In bed

This picture is one of the toys that is obsessed with me on the myspace. I want one. The reason I used this picture is that I have been super-lazy and when Nancy came over to discuss, I was still lying up in the bed. She wanted me to get up, but I just pulled the covers over my head. So we talked about something called "self-esteem" and "delusions" and "egomania." It was so boring because by today I totally decided that Gavin was just fucking with me because everyone knows how awesome I am and that everyone is obsessed with me. So whatever. I think that was like a blip on my radio or whatever that saying is because it was something little on something big. Right? that is what that means, right? I don't know. Anyway, I'm just not going to think about Gavin and what he said, because that is way easier.

I'm going back to sleep now.

So I got ahold of Nancy finally and I was like, "Gavin thinks nobody loves me!" I guess she couldn't really understand me because of the crying and the vodka. So she made me calm down and I told her the whole story and she was like, "Do you think that?" And I had to go, "I was trying to make a list in my head of people who love me and I couldn't think of anyone." So she was like, "This is important maybe I should come over." And I was all, "No way! I am too wasted to keep on thinking. I'm going to bed." So she's going to come over tomorrow and we are going to try to think of someone who loves me. Or maybe she's going to help me not care that I think that nobody loves me. I'm a little fuzzy on that whole reason she's coming over.

Gus doesn't need to bother murdering me, because I think I might kill myself

Ok, it is super fun to have famous friends and all, but not when they tell you crap about yourself that is not cute! Tonight, I had dinner with Gwen and Gavin, they are super-cute. Gwen wants me to be the new face of L.A.M.B. I'm like, "I love lamb! It's delicious!" Then she had to explain that it's her little clothing line and whatever, so I'm ok! Then we are sitting there, enjoying some drinkies and yakking and I was telling them about going back and forth to rehab all summer and how boring that was and then Gavin goes, "Do you think that nobody loves you?" And I was like, "Whatever! Everyone is obsessed with me! I have a machine that keeps leaving me emails and comments and whatever, plus there is a toy and some baked goods and you can't believe how many restraining orders I have against my fans." So Gavin just sits there, being all smart and whatever, and he goes, "Yes, but that's not what I asked." So then I had to think, and you guys know how I hate that! And then I was like, "!" That means I'm speechless remember? Only now I am freaking out because when he talks with that British accent I am like, "Whoa." It has be true. So just now, I was driving back to The Compound and I was thinking to myself, "Who does love me?" So I started with Daddy, but then I realized that he is too busy to love me and Mother is too whatever! So then I was like, "Well, Knute loves me." But actually I'm not sure he does. I think I make him feel real smart or whatever so he likes me for that. So then I was like, "Rhett?" Probably not. So I called Mims and I was like, "Help! Who loves me?" And she was all, "Have you been drinking?" And I go, "Yes, but that doesn't matter! Who loves me?" And she was like, "Duh. Everyone is obsessed with you! You have toys and baked goods and whatever and like how many restraining orders do you have?" So I totally felt better at first but then I was thinking about what Gavin said and I was freaking out, So like I just called Edgar and I was all, "Who loves me?" And it was just his voicemail, so that didn't really help. I know Gus doesn't - I mean, he was trying to kill me just yesterday! Katrinka hates me. Kitten doesn't even remember me half the time. I am so fucking depressed.

Holy shit you guys!

OMG! I think Gus is trying to kill me!

I just went downstairs to see what was for dinner and Gus was cutting some kind of cheese stuff and he was making a big salad that looked pretty good. I go, "Oooo, salad! I love that." So I was looking in the bowl and I go, "What's that?" And he goes, "Mandarin oranges." So I popped one in my mouth and I was like, "Mmmm!!!" Then I poked around a little more and I'm all, "What's that?" So he looks and goes, "Red onion." So I tried that and it was good too, real oniony. The I was pushing some stuff aside and go, "What's that?" And he goes, "Crouton." Well, croutons are awesome! So then I'm like, "What's that stuff?" And he goes, "Spinach." "!" I already put it in my mouth!!! I spat it out and was like, "Holy shit! Did you forget about Lupe?" And he was all, "That was last year. You've have spinach since then." I was wiping my tongue with a dish towel, "WHAT!??" And he goes, "What did you think those enchiladas were that had all that green stuff in them?" I was like, "Green enchiladas! That's what I thought!!! How long have you been trying to kill me?" So he just rolls his eyes and goes, "Oh please." I was thinking I needed to probably call the cops or something. It was super-scary! Now I am locked in the master suite, wondering what to do. I am worried for real.

I just called Nancy, my life coach, because I'm thinking if my life is in danger I figure my life coach is the one to call. Anyway, she said I was being crazy. That doesn't help!

Now I remember

Remember how I was just talking about how I wanted a new phone for the Compound and I found that totally cute one for the Master Suite? Well, I have no idea why I bought it because it hasn't rung once! Meanwhile, my mobile is ringing all the time. Like why did I even bother?

So I've been getting emails from a big fan. I think it's a he, but it could be a she. I only know its initials. Anyway, I thought it found me on here, where the blog is now, but it was telling me that it likes my profile on the myspace so now I am confused about how it is a fan. I guess it doesn't matter, I mean stalking is stalking right? (by the way, TS, I need your address for Daddy's lawyers)

What else is new? My waffle friend and I totally missed each other over the weekend. So I was being furious with him for no waffles and he was like thinking I stood him up. Communication is hard, you guys!

Nancy has got me all thinking about communication and whatever. She's trying to get me to be more concise - whatever that means! I'm all, "How can I be concise? I don't even understand." So she was like, " Brevity.' I was like, "!" whatever, she is wearing me out. Life was so easy when I could just do my thing and like throw a drink on a barrista if she pissed me off - why do I gotta think about stuff? It's complicated.

All I know is that this is Rhett's last weekend in Austin and I am sad, you guys!

Ok. OK! ALREADY!

Look, I was to going to be all big or whatever and not write about Britney, mostly because me and Natalie Portman were in the bathroom during her "performance" and we were busy, you guys! Anyway, I watched it on the internets and like I think it's just sad. She totally wasted a good buzz by trying to perform and I know what she was taking and that stuff is GOOOOOD. But you cannot try to think or move or drive or take a sobriety test when you are on it, trust me I should know!

So my super-smart friends are all getting together and I was totally thinking it was this Friday but it's the NEXT Friday and that seems like a long time to me. I haven't seen some of them since for like ever. Plus, Nancy thinks it's a good idea to spend time with people who "challenge me intellectually." I'm pretty sure that has something to do with the retarded Olympics, but I'm not sure about that whole "challenged" part. If she was calling me retarded I will be furious. And I will tell Daddy and I bet she gets fired.

I can't decide which I hate more, dirty hippies or dirty cowboys

I can't believe it took me so long to recover from my fabulous weekend. Seriously. Like this afternoon I finally started feeling like me again. Probably because I was shopping. I mean, that's the only time I ever feel super-good.

Me and Rhett went to see some movie tonight. It was so crazy, everyone was so dirty. And I don't mean dirty like Paris' movie, I mean dirty like gross. Like hippies. You should have seen their teeth! Gross! I was all, "Yuck" Then there were all these old people there who were deaf and they were like talking the whole time. "What did he say?" "What just happened?" I was furious. I kept snapping my fingers at them and telling them to shut up, but I guess since they were so old and whatever, they just couldn't hear me. I thought Rhett was going to die because he was all squirmy that I was telling old people to shut up, but seriously, I paid for the movie tickets! I never pay for anything! Just ask anyone. And if I actually pay for something, I don't want to hear a bunch of geriatrics yakking the whole damn time. Now look, I am furious all over again.

Russell is still cute. I did him one time. Maybe twice. I can't really remember. That was before me and Paris took that vow. By the way, Rhett says he's taken that vow now. He wants to be more like me and that means making lots of smart decisions. We'll have to see though because Rhett is kind of trampy and I think he might be easy, but I'm not really sure. He tells me stories sometimes and I am all, "I don't even see how that's possible!!!" I guess it's like physics or something. He slept during part of the movie and I was like, "How can you sleep when there is so much dirt nearby?" And he goes, "It was only movie dirt. It's not real." Well, I was like, "That shit was 10 feet tall and you are going to sleep? You suck." So it sort of went downhill from there and he ended up throwing his drink on me. Like I don't know why he's gotta act like that all the time. I feel like I wear a lot of Dr. Pepper when we are together. Whatever. Next time, I am not going to wait for him, I'm throwing first.

Holy crap, I am tired

I've been lying by the pool all day at The Compound. I totally was going to go shopping but I was like worn out. You know, having to be nice for all whole weekend is supah-tiring.

I also decided that if I was going to be seeing non-gays, I needed to for sure have a decent phone at the compound. I mean, mostly I just use my mobile phone, but seriously, why am I paying for a landline? Then I started thinking that maybe if I had a supah-cute phone for my landline, I would use it. So I finally managed to get up and go out. I found a totally cute phone so I'm hoping some of my fans will start calling me now.

Next weekend is ACL and that means a bunch more dirty hippies and musicians crawling all over town. I will totally be laying low all weekend. I wanted to get together with some of my smart friends for drinkies but they are like, "No way." I can't blame them, they don't have drivers like I do and when you have to drive yourself around, it's supah-boring. So I try not to be a hater. Still, I am going to be bored all weekend. I would go somewhere with Rhett, but Nancy says I can't because he is not a "hole some" influence in my life. Like what does that mean? So confusing.

It is exhausting to be me, you guys!

It's a good thing I am so unselfish, you guys. I mean, I am a giver, just ask anyone. And if I wasn't such a giver, my fans would be so disappointed. And I am all about keeping my fans happy.

For instants, I swear the girls at the pedi place love me. You should hear them when I walk in: "Hi Cupcake!" "How are you?" "What color you want?" It's so boring to get excellent customer service. Anyway, me and Mims went this morning for pedis and I was totally thinking nap afterwards, but then we went shoe shopping and whatever and we were standing in line and Mims was like, "What time is your thing today?" So I was all, "Two." See, Nancy wants me to start being seen with non-gays so she wanted me to meet this guy who's not gay. So anyway, Mims goes, "Don't you need to get going?" because I am not going to try to lie, I was tore up looking. Tore up from the floor up - I got that from some of my gay friends. Hey, maybe I do spend too much time with the gays...Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yea, Mims telling me I needed to go get cute. So I go, "What time is it?" And she was like, "12:45." So I was all, "Whatever. I am fine." So she just gives me this look and I starting thinking about time and whatever so I go, "Wait! What time is it?" So she tells me again, and I'm all, "Fuck! I have to go!" So I ran back to The Compound and changed and slapped a little make-up on and fluffed my hair because I don't know who this guy is, he could be hot. He wasn't even famous! But he was super-smart. Like he reads and stuff. Look, I don't like to talk about my personal life here on the blog thingy, but let's just say my little vow might be getting a test sometime soon. That's all I'm saying.

So after I said good night to my new friend, Rhett calls me on the phone and is like, "where are you?" So I'm all, "Car. Almost home." So he goes, "Let's go to the bar." So whatever, I went. But now I thinking that no matter how nice a time I had with that straight boy, if I go hang out with my gays again right after it's like undoing all my hard straight work. Plus, I'm pretty sure Nancy will be pissed when she sees the tabs tomorrow because Rhett was on a tear. Thank god he is going back to rehab in a couple of weeks because he is wearing me out. I need some sleep, but I am like wound up. It's probably those koala uppers we were taking. Those things are strong! That and all the vodka.