You guys, I am like super-tan right now. I have just been lying by the pool, staring at my shark for days and just relaxing. It's totes awesome to have two PAs, I should have done this ages ago. DD takes care of the business stuff and Knute makes all my grooming appointments and keeps the bar stocked, plus he's spending a lot of time lying by the pool with me. I think the shark tank was an awesome addition to the whole pool area. He doesn't seem to mind DD now that he realized she's doing a whole lot of the crap he used to do, like finding a shark wrangler.
So I had brunchy with Waff and I think he was saying something about starting a lesbian matchmaking service, he might have said something else, I wasn't really listening. He's awesome. Instead of trying to hook up other people, he needs to find someone for himself - but not a lesbian because he's not a girl.
I just called DD out here to the verandah and told her to find a girl for Waff. She had a pen and paper in her hand but instead of writing anything down, she goes, "What?" So I go, "Waff needs a girl. He's finding girls for other girls, so he needs one too." So she goes, "Is Waff a boy?" And I was like, "DUH." So she goes, "I had to ask since you and Squirrel and Lisa Marie Presley-Alvarado-Keogh-Jackson-Cage-Montreuil-Blanca-Chapa play that game where you call ladies 'sir' and men 'ma'am', it's super confusing!" I was like, "That is a game. It doesn't have anything to do with Waff." So DD goes, "Should I put him on Match.com or something?" I was all, "That is your problem."
So I have a new stalker. I've been thinking seriously about this vow of charity and how it's just not working out for me, plus how long am I supposed to do it? Or like, NOT do it. I wish I had thought this through a little better and not gone on Larry King to talk about it and crap. Plus Paris didn't keep up her end of the bargain, so like I don't even know why I'm bothering. So the new stalker is kind of cute and I'm thinking it's time for a change. So whatever.
