Eff! Eff! EFF!

This is where I will probably be all weekend because I was totally going to go to Luxembourg to see Mims and Thad but Daddy had the plane in Dubai and so I was actually going to have to fly commercial which I'm sure you all remember what happened LAST time I flew commercial and so I totally said I wasn't going to ever do that again. But I totally wanted to go, so I was like, "Whatever." I didn't want to do it but life is full of stuff you don't want to do, but you have to do it anyway. Unless you can get someone else to do it for you, like a PA or whatever.

ANYWAY, I was actually at the airport, waiting, and this pregnant lady came and sat down next to me which is always a bad way to start off anything because those people always want something like a autograph for their niece who's dying or whatever. So I was like all up on my guard but she was ok, she just pulled out a magazine and started reading it. It was like OK! or People or whatever and she got to the page with a picture of me (OF COURSE) and she read it and then looks at me. Looks at the magazine. Looks at me. I start sliding down in my seat and wishing my sunglasses were bigger because I just knew she was going to want to take my picture or talk to me or whatever. But she just keeps looking at the magazine then looking at me. Finally, I was about to crawl out of my skin, she goes, "You should have stayed in rehab." This is how I go when I am all speechless "!". I didn't even know what to say because I was so totally shocked. Like who does stuff like that??? Anyway, I was like, "Who are you to talk? That baby you're about to have might have problems, you know?" Well, it actually turns out she wasn't pregnant, she was just fat and man! was she pissed off! Which is NOT good for the baby. So anyway, by the time the cops finished with us, the plane to go was gone so I had to call Harvey and tell him to come back and get me. So I'm NOT going to Luxembourg. Good thing she didn't go into labor because that would not have been cute!

**Correction**

I guess my doctor reads my bloggy thing since she was all calling today going, "You did not break your back. Stop telling people you did and stop giving my phone number to reporters!" Whatever. I guess it's something to do with my disks, which totally makes sense since I hardly ever put them back in their cases. You should see the Maz, I have stacks of them lying in the thing with the thing for your phone. Knute calls it the "hidey-hole" but I think that sounds sort of dirty. Anyway, I don't know what the way I treat my CDs has to do with my back, but medicine is totally complicated and confusing which is why I am not a doctor. Anyway I don't even know how Dr. Beauchamp knows about the way I treat my disks, but whatever she does and she was PISSED.

Frankly, my bed is super pretty and I love it when Knute runs all the way from the door, across the room and jumps on it, it was Diane de Poitier's bed like a thousand years ago or whatever. I totally didn't even know who she was but I guess Knute looked it up and she was boinking some king in France, so that's cool. What was I talking about? Oh yeah. Anyway, I love my pretty bed, but I am seriously tired of being in it! It's super red! I never noticed how RED it is.

So I missed Sundance and all the gift tents which just makes me sick, then I missed the SAG Awards last night. I totally don't even know why they call them the "Sag" awards - there were so many fake boobs in that room last night! I was like, "Whoa!"

Oww.

So here's the thing. I haven't written lately and thanks to all my fans who've been following the story in the tabs and ET and E! who've written and sent presents and stuff. By now, I'm sure you've all heard about the car wreck. I don't know what that homeless guy was doing sleeping on that bus bench, but he was really asking for it by being right out there in the open. Anyway, I think I broke my back or maybe something. Here's the thing, I have to stay in bed, on my back for like ever. I am so bored I could DIE. Not really die like that homeless dude, but die of like boredumb. Normally, I enjoy just lying around, but it hurts so I can't even flop around like I like and PLUS I'm on so many drugs that it's not any fun. Which is totally hard to believe because normally I am all about drugs but these just make me sleepy.

Here's the weird thing, I've had lots of people who have offered to help. One of who is a psychic and she said I have bad harmony in my life. I was like, "DUH!" So then she started talking about some stuff that sort of sounded like feng shui again and we all remember how THAT turned out! But she wanted to talk about unhappiness and shit like that. I was like, "Look, I was totally happy until my friend (WHO WILL REMAIN NAMELESS but you all know who I'm talking about) smashed into the bus stop!" I mean, who rides the bus? Seriously?!!! If that bus stop hadn't been there, we would have been fine.