Hellow Hotness

I would have written last night but I was too drunk to type. Me and Jessica went out and had a bunch of drinkies. That was fun, and then I was supposed to have dinner with Waff and Jessica wanted to come because she had a date she wasn't all that fired up about. So we met up with Waff and of course he was fun because he always is. But then Jessica's date came and it got weird. Me and Waff were like, "We never act like that." Seriously. The more I know other people, the more I love my friends because they are awesome.

But that's not the hotness, here's the hot thing: Network Man.

Network Man.

It's totes weird to give some hot guy your number and not have him call right away. I'm thinking he will definitely call tonight because it's almost the weekend and I need to commit soon because the offers keep pouring in and I don't want to hold a slot for him if he's not going to call, you know? But like if he doesn't call that will be just weird, because they always call and I know he liked me and HELLOW I'm Cupcake. He came back yesterday to finish working on The Compound and I was like, "hellow." There was this little part of me that thought maybe when I saw him again I wouldn't think he was so hot, but he still was. That is crazy to me. Also, he didn't finish AGAIN and said he would come back next week but I'm going to be gone to DC so I hate for him to be disappointed because I am awesome like that and super-caring.

STOP CALLING!

Sheesh!!! Ok, the person with my fan from Saturday was not a midget, he was a child. I'm sorry already!!! Plus I guess you aren't supposed to call them "midgets" - especially when they are kids. It's super confusing.

I wouldn't eat a kid either, just you know.

Man Magnet, for reals!

So yesterday, something went all crazy with the computer network in The Compound, which I totes know NOTHING about so I'm not even going to say anything about anything. Anyway, Knute called somebody and they sent out this guy who was hot to fix it. Normally, I wouldn't go for a guy with dirty hands, but holy crap you guys!!! He was gorge. Tall, smiley, funny. Normally I do not give out my real phone number to civilians or whatever but he was so cute I was like, "Let me give you my number in case you think of anything you need." (I was totes not thinking about computer network "needs" if you know what I mean!) Anyway, he has to come back tomorrow and I am like all thinking about what I'm going to wear and crap like that. He has to go into the attic, which of course is traumatic for me and even more so for Knute because of that abduction thing or whatever, but I'm already thinking about errands I can make Knute go do while the hot guy is here. The last thing I need is Knute mooning around when I'm trying to get my flirt on, you know?

My faithful readers or whatever will know that I'm been in like a dry spell after me and Paris made our vow of charity (although that whore totally did not keep up her end of the bargain - for reals! I was seriously all about it and I think she just did it for the publicity.) Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, so when Erica cut my hair awhile back, she said my bloggy thing was funner when I was a whore. And I got to thinking about it and she is totes right! Plus I was having way more fun!!! So the first thing I did was call my vet friend and he gave me some polar bear diet pills - which are AWESOME, by the way - and that really just got the whole thing rolling. I think they like changed my chemistry or something because this last weekend I had 5 people ask me to do stuff! Of course this was before Hot Network Man. Now I'm like, "How can I juggle all my fans and stalkers and a Hot Network Man?" Is it possible to be TOO popular? I don't think so, really. I mean, it's all about choices and I am definitely pro-choice.

The funniest picture I've ever seen in my whole entire life

Don't eat monkeys, people!

I have no idea what the hell I did tonight. I think I ate one of these effers, but I'm not sure. The thing is, we were at some festival and the place we ate was like serving squirrel and frog and raccoon. Who the hell eats raccoon? They have little hands!!!

One of my fans took me to this Louisiana festival thing and I have to say, if they eat cute animals with little hands in Louisiana then I definitely don't want to go there. My friend Jenn lives there and that makes me scared for her! She's probably eating rats and mice and gawd knows what out there. I have a raccoon that lives down by the fish pond and I wouldn't eat it. That would be like eating Mr. Cat! What other animals have little hands? I think monkeys have hands. I wouldn't eat a monkey either. It just seems rude. Like I'll totes eat something with fins or hoofs or something. But hands are just a little too close, you know?

Anyway, it was mostly fun. My fan had a midget with him. I don't care for midgets, they make me nervous. I wouldn't eat a midget either, they have little hands.