Shopping

So me and Mims went shopping today. Turns out Daddy's plane was in Austin because Daddy was here for a meeting. I was furious that he didn't call me, so me and Mims went to NYC today. Don't tell Rhett, I promised him I wouldn't go back to the city until he comes home. We're at my little triplex on the Upper West Side. I feel like I can finally relax since this place doesn't have a attic. That means Monte can't creep around. So anyway, me and Mims got up here about midday and headed straight to Barneys. Mims went crazy buying all kinds of fall stuff. I was trying on stuff, but I just didn't feel like buying anything. Isn't that weird? Then we went to the make-up store and that's where I went crazy buying stuff. Like I need more eyeshadow! Whatever. Then we got back here and realized we didn't have pyjamas or anything. So we went to Neimans and bought a bunch of necessities. I was feeling all smart. This time I'm going to leave my pyjamas and stuff here so I don't have to buy new ones everytime I come up here. That is boring. Like I have way too many pairs of pyjamas because I never remember to bring them with. Then I take them back home and add them to my pile. Then the next time I go up here, I forget to pack any and have to buy more!!! So boring.

You wanna hear something crazy? We went right by like a ton of shoe stores and I didn't even want to go in! Like what is going on with me? I don't ever pass up a shoe store. Mims was worried about me, I could tell. I'm like, "I know!" It's probably all the pyjamas.

Waffles and Vodka

Ok, like I don't know why I try so hard. I grocery shopped, people. I tried really hard. Well, when I got back here I left the groceries in the kitchen and Gus calls me on the intercom and goes, "Is this everything?" I was like, "That is like totally philosophical or whatever!" So he sighs really huge and he goes, "Is this everything you bought? At the store?" So I was all, "Yes." So he goes, "Did you take the list?" So I go, "Yes, but I lost it." So then I just hear this giant sigh then Gus goes, "You bought waffles." And I'm all, "Yes...." So he goes, "That's all?" And I go, "It was hard, there wasn't any carpet."

So today I went and found the pink lemonade vodka. So I came all walking in the kitchen and I go, "Boom!" and put the bag on the counter. Gus goes, "What's this?" So I go, "Vodka!" He just stared at me. Turns out he went to the grocery store today and bought all kinds of things. Like eggs and bread and stuff. He must have been pretty mad that I only bought waffles last night because he would barely talk to me. Seriously though, if I just had waffles and vodka I'd be pretty happy.

Not having a personal assistant is hard, you guys

Ok, so now that Monte has completely disappeared and I only hear him scurrying around at night, and now that Gus had nothing left in the kitchen for me to eat, I had to go to the grocery store. Ok, I did that one time before and I think we all remember what a nightmare that was! First of all, did you know that they don't sell vodka at the grocery store? You have to go to the vodka store!? Whatever! Then the five vodka stores I went to didn't even have that pink lemonade vodka. Like my life is hard, you guys! Anyway, so I went back to the grocery store with the list that Gus gave me, I don't know why he can't go. I mean, I pay him enough, he should shop too. I mean, normally I love to shop, but food shopping just makes me nervous. First of all, it's not carpeted. I'm not used to that. And the people who are supposed to be "working" there don't even get all your stuff for you. I mean, at Nordies they go pull for you, why can't they at HEB?

Also, I found something cool! Waffles! Already made! Frozen! I am like so excited. I know that Gus froze me some waffles one time, but like these waffles mean I don't have to rely on Gus anymore. I am like independent in the waffle-situation. Although, I'd still rather go out for them, and I was sort of hoping to eat some waffles with my new friend this weekend, but if I have to eat frozen ones, I will. I wonder how you unfreeze them?

I can't wait to shop with Mims and I also have to go to some stupid party in the Hamptons this weekend. I don't even want to go, but Yoli commited me. P. Diddy. What's he done for me? Nada (that's spanish for nothing).

All in all, I suspect it will still be a fun weekend. I might see a movie or something. I just want to get out of the house. Monte in the attic is creeping me out, seriously!

Night

I just now went to go look in the mechanical closet because my wireless network was acting crazy. Knute used to do this stuff for me, and I seriously have no idea what to do. I know Knute used to like turn stuff off and cuss at it and whatever, so I did some of that and it seemed to work. So I guess I'm like a mechanical genius or something. Anyway, that's not what I was going to write about. I was sneaking downstairs to the mechanical closet, because I think Monte is still in the house, so I didn't turn any lights on or anything, I mean, I know where stuff is most of the time. Anyway, it is fucking dark outside. What is up with that? Like I couldn't see anything! And it's not like the drapes were closed or anything. It was spooky. I wonder why none of the landscape lights were on? I bet it was Monte. Usually you can see the street light from the little tiny window in the front door. Like why would you put a little tiny window in the front door? Your people are just going to open it if they've already buzzed someone through the gates. Right?

My friend brought me two bottles of vodka because she knows I like it. One is Pink Lemonade flavored and I think that's my new favorite drink. The other one is Apple. It tastes like Nyquil. I never thought Nyquil tasted like apple until I started drinking this vodka. It's the same color too. Maybe I'm drinking Nyquil...now I'm confused. It's probably the Flexeril. Muscle relaxers make me confused. Plus all the Nyquil or vodka and like whatever! Maybe the Valium. Who knows? All I know is that I haven't been sleeping. And I am like tired, you guys. Normally, if I wasn't going out, which I'm not, I would be in bed by now, me and Knute sometimes liked to watch infomercials late at night and make up stuff about the people in them. He would stay in the room until I went to sleep. Now I'm getting sad. I wonder if he reads this?

Knute, you were the best PA I ever had. Mostly because you didn't stalk me and live in the attic of my house without my permission. And I would have given you permission. I mean, you had permission to live in my house - you did! You lived just down the hall, around the billiard room, past the atrium, across the gallery catwalk, fourth door on the left with the view of the front lawn and the fountain. Now I'm sad.

Maybe I'll go drink the pink lemonade vodka now.

Everyone Is Obsessed With Me

I was just reading the news on TheSuperficial.com about some old lady named Courtney Love who claims to eat cupcakes and I had The Simpsons on and they were talking about cupcakes too. Frankly, this is super boring. Everytime I turn around someone is saying something about me.

Pretty Toes Make It a Good Day

Me and Mims got our feet done today. I totally don't even know why I'm in such a good mood. I mean pedis always make me feel good, but I was already feeling good when she texted me. It's not like I got any sleep last night. I should be totally crabby. This afternoon I was standing in the kitchen, staring into the fridge and singing something and Gus goes, "You sure are happy today." I was like, "I know! Isn't that weird?" So he's all, "I'm glad." And I go, "Me too!" That was awesome. So anyway, my feet are cute and me and Mims are going to go shopping this weekend and I'm totally hoping to eat some waffles at some point. Because everyone knows I likes my waffles.

I think I have amnesia, you guys!

That's that thing where you can't sleep right? Like last night I woke up at 4:00 and couldn't go back to sleep. It was so boring. It was so boring I almost posted. But I was too bored. That's the second night in a row I was up at that time. That's when the thing in my attic that I'm pretty sure is Monte is running back and forth. Like how am I supposed to sleep? So now my biological clock is all screwed up and I can't sleep when I'm supposed to and I want to sleep when I can't. So boring. I should just take a Ambien but the last time I did that, an entire rack of ribs disappeared from the fridge overnight and I had a pile of bones stuffed in my house slippers and under my throw pillows. Not cute.

So the new thing I'm trying is that with Knute gone, I decided I needed to meet some new people and I started doing that this weekend. Ok, like who knew anyone was like nice anymore? Seriously, my friends are all bitches in rehab and then there's someone saying something like kind and generous? Who does that? Most of my friends are so bored and like all we do is drink and go to Promises that when someone says something genuine it's like, "!" (that's how I write it when I am like speechless. Isn't that awesome? That came to me last night when I was staring at the ceiling, listening to Monte. Only, of course, it was dark, since it was night or whatever, so I couldn't see anything. But I was thinking about being speechless and how would I write that, because I think important stuff like that all the time. Because I am super-smart. "!" Awesome, right?). What was I talking about?

Oh yeah, nice people. Whatever. It's probably an act. Seriously, who's nice nowadays? It's usually just a quote from a publicist and let me tell you, those people are not nice. Even Yoli. I hope she doesn't read this. She is such a bitch. But she's good at what she does. I mean it never even made the papers that I was at Hazel's Den. Did it?

WTF?

I just got done watching Harry Potter in the media room. I have no idea what the hell was going on. There was a lot of sleeping in that movie and I am not talking about me. How boring does a movie have to be for the lead person in it to be sleeping like half the time? Like if I wanted to see dreams, I would take a Ambien and see my own. Plus, it was like never daytime in the whole damn movie. Oh! And people were flying! Whatever. And, there were way too many stripes in that movie. Thank god that lead boy didn't ever wear them except in one scene, but the other two kids were almost constantly in stripes. I think stripes might be my new plaid. And everyone knows how I feel about plaid. Anyway, I hate stripes so basically I hated most of that movie. In between the times that kid was asleep and those other two were in stripes, I thought I would die of boredom.

Oh! Hilarious. Or Fuh-larious as Holli says. She's fuh-larious. Anyway, Rhett called me from the FUTURE today. I still don't know how that happened, but he called me on Sunday afternoon and for him it was MONDAY MORNING. Plus he was totally drunk and screaming at me in Japanese. I was trying to tell him something important and he goes, "Excuse me, we are talking about me now." I was like, "Whatever!" And he was all, "Look, it is 4 o'clock in the morning. And I am drunk." So I was like, "Ok, it's 2:30 in the afternoon and I'm drunk too. What's your problem?" It was hilarious. I miss him.

Erica did some new color on me and it is super-pretty. I bet that's my natural color. I don't really remember - it's been a long time. Anyway, I'm loving my extensions and that makes me super happy. It's like everything is going super-great for me. Except for Monte. He's still here somewhere on the Compound, probably in the house, but I haven't seen him. I keep hearing something in the attic and I bet that's probably him. That's sort of creepy, don't you think?