More on The Oscars

Ok, like I haven't been very good about blogging or whatever, I know losers who blog every day! Like they must have totally no life or something. So I got back into town on Thursday because, frankly, I was too plastered to fly on Tues when I should have left, but I was having so much fun. I don't want to name any names but I was totally making out with a famous actor named Steve and I couldn't tell you his last name because I totally can't spell it, but I think he's on The Sopranos. Anyway, he's on TV and has been in movies. He's not really cute, but he is famous, so who cares?
Ok, so I went to the Vanity Fair afterparty. Lame. Then I went to the HBO party - totally lame. Then I went to the New Line Cinema Party - who goes there? Nobody famous at all. Then I went back to VF and it was better, but still. Luckily, I was drinking Red Bull Flamethrowers during the ceremony - which was a total snore, by the way. I totally don't understand why everyone was freaking out at the end, but then again, I was doing coke in the bathroom with Dakota Fanning and Lalrry McMurtry, so I missed that part. Whatever. Anyway, I was tanked by the end, so I wasn't really paying attention.
Ok, where was I? Oh yeah, I stayed in LA with some friends until Thursday when I came back here - I totally had to prepare for the SXSW festival which starts sometime. Like next week or the next week. I don't really know, Knute is in charge of that. Speaking of Knute, he's back on the shit list. I'm pretty sure he had a party while I was gone. I can't prove it or anything, it's more of a feeling. Like sometimes I really think I'm psychic or something. Thank god for spellcheck! Anyway. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Knute and all his poofter friends, mucking up my hottub and drinking all the Grey Goose. Ok, I'm pretty sure they also ate all the wasabi almonds behind the bar - but there was an unopened one when I got back and I'm pretty sure I had opened the one that was there when I left. Also, Knute was acting all funny when he picked me up at the airport: "How was your trip? Did you meet anyone famous? What did you wear?" Like I can't see through that! Does he think he's fooling me?
Whatever. I'm pretty sure I'm going to fire him.

Oscar

Wow, I haven't written in so long! Last time I blogged, Bob and Dan were coming to prepare for Mother and Daddy's visit. They totally wanted me to start using my alarm - as if I'm going to give Katrinka my code! Knute has it - oh my god, I just totally noticed both their names start wtih Ks. How weird is that? I'm all like, "spooky!" Maybe I should fire my gardener.
The last time I actually used my alarm was when Paris and Nicole were still speaking - like how long ago was that? Anyway, the three of us had been out at a totally hot club called Wingtip and we were drinking these shots called Shoe Polish, don't even ask me because I was all like, "I'll drink whatever you put in front of me!" Anyway, I met up with one of the Masterson brothers, I totally don't even know to this day which one - whatever. Anyway, I left with him and Paris and Nicole were going to go back to my house and I know I wrote down the code right, but they were totally wrecked and couldn't figure it out. Anyway the cops came and Nicole had climbed up the trellis and was stuck. So they had to get the fire department to come and bring the ladder truck, but then she thought it would be funny swing the rose vines or whatever at the fireman and he got cut pretty bad. So anyway, the city sent me the bill and I was all like, "No way!"
Anyway, there were protesters outside the gates to my house. Like, don't they have anything better to do? They were chanting and carrying on like it really matters. Nobody cares about civil rights! As if. Mother and Daddy were only here one night and I totally had Katrinka clean everything, so that was a waste, plus I threw out all my coke and that was mistake. What was I thinking?Now I just have to buy more.
Oh yeah, I went to LA to go to the Oscars. That was ok.