Thanksgiving or whatever

I hate holidays that move around. Like what the fuck is up with Thanksgiving? How am I supposed to keep track of when it is? Like Easter! What the hell?

Rehab SUCKED!

So I guess Mother or Daddy or somebody read the bloggy thing and they sent me off to something called "Pasadena" which is total bullshit because it's like rehab totes doesn't work for me, I've been like 14 times and I still love to party! So Knute and DD kept the whole Compound like totes perfect and I'm not even sure they missed me and plus they are all like besties now and I don't like that at all!

So anyway, I was like totes bored in Pasadena and freaking out because I was dying to come home and I missed Halloween and everything! I was going crazy, so Kitten came to visit and I was telling her how I was freaking out and needed to go home so she was all like, "You just need to come up with some really good reason to leave." So the only really good reason I could think of was cancer, so I had to try to figure out what kind of cancer I could have, so I finally decided that boob cancer was what I needed. So I told my counselor that I found a lump in my boob and I was freaking out and needed to go see my special doc in Austin. So first they made me see a doc in Pasadena and I wasn't really sure how I was going to convince that guy, but I guess he hadn't felt that many boobs because he got really confused and gave me a pass to come home. Well, I just went to see my doc here and I was pretending to try to find the lump and I was all, "Oh my gosh! That's just my implant!"

So anyway, now that I'm home I'm not going back. Gus says that pretending to have cancer to get out of rehab means I'm def going to hell, but I'm like, "Whatevs. I'm probs going there anyway! I can't start worrying about that now!" Like I can be bothered. And FYI, I'm never going to rehab again. It is so BORING! And Dr. Drew - that was my counselor - kept trying to get me to talk about my "abandonment issues". Like HELLOW! The last thing I need is to be THINKING. Mostly I need to be drinking!