I Love Surprise Parties, You Guys!

So yesterday, Rhett calls and he's like, "Let's go down to Second Street for the party." And I was all, "What party?" And he was all, "It's like an anniversary for those cute little boutiques and stuff." So I was like, "Whatever." So he picks me up and we're driving and like all I can think about is like those cute Sonic thingies. So we GPS'd to find one and it was like close, so I got another Vanilla Coke and that was awesome and while we're sitting there, enjoying our Sonics, Rhett goes, "I want a new name on the blog." I was all, "!" So he goes, "I want a new name. Maybe SuperStarFish." I was like, "What??!" So he goes, "I want a starfish theme." I was like, "I can't go changing your name! It will confuse my fans!" He wouldn't back down and now, thinking about it, I'm getting totally furious, even though I wasn't mad at the time. Like who does he think he is? Like he can just make decisions about my art! Because I am like an artist! So anyway, I didn't get furious last night, which is probably good. But now I am like livid.

Anyway, we went on down to the Second Street and it was super-cute you guys! The cutest thing was that the whole theme of the party was ME! There were cupcakes being served, which is kind of a cliche, but whatever, then all the stores had like peacocks and bats and crap that I love on display. I was seriously touched. Rhett kept saying, "It's not really about you, Cakes, it's not." I was like, "Whatever." I was thanking everyone and hugging people. Then we got tired so we were sitting down in this store and this boy came up and was like, "Do you want some wine?" And I don't have any idea why I said this, because for once, it totally wasn't true, but I go, "Oh please I am plastered." And at the exact same time, Rhett goes, "We are drunk." It was hilarious! We weren't even drinking!!! But after we said that, we both felt drunk and that makes me think that hysterical drunkenness is way better than real drunkenness because I felt fine this morning and sometimes I have to eat Taco Bell to feel better the next day and nobody really wants to do that.

Exterminators

So I've been like totally worrying about how to get Monte out of the attic, as my readers all know. So finally, I just called an exterminator and was like, "There's something big in my attic and I need it gone." So the dude showed up this morning with like a flashlight and all kinds of shit and Katrinka had to show him how to get up in the attic and I heard him sort of walking around and then I heard him scream like a girl and he came hauling ass down the stair thingies and he goes, "What the hell is going on here?" And I was like, "What?" So he goes, "I have to call my supervisor." So he goes outside and me and Gus were like, "?" (that's when I'm speechless AND curious!) So me and Gus went up there and I was seriously freaking out you guys! It looked like Monte had been living up there, but that's not the worst part! The worst part is that Knute was all tied up with a gag in his mouth. Like I don't know why that exterminator dude didn't AT LEAST cut him down, but he didn't. Gus had a big knife with him, so we did. He was like crying and going, "Oh thank god! Oh thank god!" Over and over. It was crazy you guys! Anyway, Monte was nowhere to be seen and the cops came to talk to Knute, because I guess his parents put out a missing persons report which I guess I should have done, but like whatever. I can't spend a lot of time beating myself up about this, right? I'm super glad to have a PA again, even if he does have to spend some time in the psychiatric hospital. At least I can get into ACL.

Hole-EEEE Crap, you guys!

God, what a day! First me and Rhett met some of my smart friends at a play. I guess it was a play, but it was only one guy and first he was talking about how he killed all these kids and then how his wife gave birth to a white puppy or a weasel or something. And I guess they shaved it to make it look like a person or something? I wasn't really listening because I was bored out of my mind. Like who wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a baby, a dog and a weasel? For reals! At half-time, I look at Rhett and go, "I can't take much more of this." And he was all, "I know! Right?" So we went outside to pretend to smoke but we really got in the car and left. So then we were like super bored, but Rhett knew about this place called a "Sonic" and it was super-cute. You pull up in your car and then you push this little button and someone takes your order and then in a little bit this girl comes out with it, then you pay her and you drive away! You never have to get out of your car! It was even awesomer than a drive-thru. Anyway, we went to a Sonic and then we drove around being totally bored for like hours. We were going to go see a movie again, but all the people at the movie theater looked like they smelled funny, so I refused to get out of the car. So then we went shoe shopping at some cute little boutiques and then he wanted to see one of the other lakes in Austin, so we found another Sonic - they are like everywhere! - and we were driving out to Lake Travis to see the nude beach and we were just talking and whatever. I mean I really missed him while he was in Japan because I guess they don't have cell phones in Japan because I didn't talk to him for a month. Anyway, we had all kinds of Sonic drinks and then we didn't even feel like eating! That is so not like us. Anyway, he wanted to go to a book store, which was hilarious, so we did that too. Like, who goes to book stores? It was awesome, I was laughing the whole time. He bought a guidebook to Austin because when we were growing up, his parents were super-scared that he was going to get kidnapped so they hardly ever let him off the grounds of the estate. Which is so totally sad to me, because like he hardly knows anything. Don't tell him I said that! When he was talking about going to see a taping of ACL, I was like, "Ha! Good luck getting tickets to that without Knute." And he threw his drink on me and was all, "Don't you ever call me out like that, bitch." I was all, "!" (Remember, that means I'm speechless!!!) anyway, I was all, "!" with cherry Dr. Pepper dripping off of me. It was not cute. I was like, "I hate you, I want to kill you!" So then the people at the bookstore told us to leave and by the time we got out of there, we were like laughing, so whatever. Anyway, my point is this: I think if I had a baby that was a puppy or a weasel, I wouldn't shave it and try to pretend it was something it wasn't. I mean, if you are a puppy or like a rodent, you should just love yourself the way you are!