HOLY CRAP PEOPLE!

Ok, now I know I just have a bunch of smartass "friends" on the myspace! I specifically sent out information on the proper way to answer the poll and at least one person went and answered it WRONG. I have a feeling it might have been Waff. He's like that. Even though we had a totally good time last night getting our eat on and our booze on. I can see him being like, "Ok, yea that was fun, but now I gotta needle her."

Yesterday I was staring out the window and suddenly I started thinking about the beach and I think I'm going to go down next weekend. I'm going to be supah busy soon so I need to get there while I can. Plus I haven't been to the house on Eluethra in ages!

It just occurred to me that TS could be the smartass....He's real smart and that's half of being a smartass...

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, getting down to the beach. I'm totally going to do it. Eat some fish, stare at the waves. That sounds like fun. Maybe I'll take Knute and seeing all the Seegirl bats will remind him of before he was kidnapped. BOTH TIMES! That's crazy! Who gets kidnapped twice? Whatever, I don't judge.

Me and Mims had our pedis this morning, but I was so tore up from last night that I couldn't even enjoy it. Then we were going to go look for cashmere sweaters and I had to go back to The Compound and take a nap. So we're going tomorrow. Even though it's like 100 degrees here still. Technically, according to the fashion calendar it's fall, so I'm wearing cashmere no matter what!

Ok, now seriously, the poll is like this:

Cute is good

Super cute is better

Supah cute is the best, most cute. Kay?

I wish I had a rat with a gun

Remember how I said in my last post that I thought I saw Monte the other day? I think I saw him again! I was coming out of the tanning place and I thought I saw him behind a tree. I was like, "!" I mean, I'm not sure it was him, since I had some Mystic tan in my eyes and they were watering and whatever, but I'm pretty sure.

I'm totally pealing my eyes for him everywhere and Edgar says I have PMS or ADD or something. He says that I was traumatized by what happened and I'm like, "Ummm, that was Knute!" But he says I have "Survivor" complex. Shows you what he knows, I don't even watch that show!!! I like "Rock of Love" with all those prostitutes trying to get that ugly girl with the bandana to have sex with them! Hilarious! Knute said I shouldn't admit watching that show since it's so stupid, but I'm like, whatever! Everyone loves drunk lesbian hookers!

Please let me sleep!!!

I'm seriously hoping that now that my conscience is all clear or whatever I will be able to effing sleep. Like for one thing, I might have been worrying about Britney's kids. Not that I'm going to stop because they are with Kfed, but seriously, I felt like they were in a perril when they were with her! I totally doing even know what being "in a perril" is but it kind of sounds like being in a barrel and I heard one time that people go over waterfalls in barrels, so I figure it's like the same thing. Whatever. It just sounds dangerous and that's all I mean. But like my conscience is clear because I apologized to Gus. Sort of. I mean, I didn't really, but I would have, so that's all that matters. I'm pretty sure he knows that. This morning he toasted my bagel just like I like it and had veggie cream cheese to go with. He loves me!

Mims texted me today and was like, "pedi sat?" And I was all, "Duh!" I'm so tired of this color! I mean it's gorge and all, but seriously, I need a change. I'm pretty sure I've committed to something else this Saturday, but I can't remember what it was. I guess someone will call me and remind me. I was just sitting here thinking that another happy hour with my smart friends would be awesome. They may be smart, but they are a bunch of boozers, so I'm pretty sure they'll be up for it.

Oh yea, I talked to Rhett today too. Then I had to get me a lemon slush again. They are better when he's at the Sonic with me. While I was out and about, I thought I saw Monte, but I'm pretty sure there's no way he's running around Austin. I mean, if I was him, I would have left the country by now. It sure looked like him, though. Kinda spooky, you know?

Only 90% Supah-Awesome?!! RILLY?!?

I can't believe you people don't think I'm 100% Supah-Awesome. Whatever! Some jerk thinks I'm only "Awesome". WHATEVER!

So this morning, I went downstairs and Gus was sitting at the table, reading the paper and drinking so coffee. I go, "Ummm, good morning?" And he didn't even look at me. He grunted. GRUNTED! Like what does that mean? So I sat down at the table and go, "So. What's for breakfast?" And he still wouldn't even look at me and he goes, "I guess whatever you are making yourself." And I was like, "!" So I was staring out the window, across the back lawn to the pool and the guest house and I go, "Look." So he looked out the window and he goes, "What am I looking at?" And I'm like, "Whoa! That is like all philosophicy and whatever." He goes, "What?" So I'm all, "That's like a question. Like a question that smart people think about." He totally puts the paper down and goes, "WHAT?" So I was like confused all of a sudden and I go, "Look..." And he goes, "AT WHAT?" And I was all, "Look, it's just a thing to say that makes you know that I'm about to say something important." So Gus goes, "What is?" And so I go, "Look..." So then Gus throws down the newspaper and gets up, "What. Are. You. Talking. About?" So then I started crying. That's so stupid. And I was trying to tell Gus that I was sorry, but I was crying so hard I couldn't even talk. Then he was patting my shoulder and I got the hiccups and then he does, "You want a waffle?" I still couldn't even talk, so I just nodded and then he brought me a glass of water and he goes, "It's ok." I still don't even know what was 'ok' but I don't care because that waffle was awesome!

HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS!

Ok, right now, I am locked in the Master Suite freaking out. I was just downstairs talking to Gus and he was cooking something awesome smelling in a giant pot. So I was trying to sniff it but the pot was too big so I go, "Why you gotta always be cooking in such big pots?" And he goes, "That's how I learned." So I was all, "Were you in the army?" And he goes, "Nope." So I was like, "Where did you learn to cook so big?" And he's all, "The Greybar Hotel." And I was like, "Where's that? New York?" And he goes, "No, Louisiana." So I was like, "Awesome!" And he's not, "Not really, sweety. I was in prison." So I was like, "!" And I got up real slow because I'm pretty sure you aren't supposed to move quick around those people. And I'm like, "Oh. Um. Ok. I'm just going to ....ummmm" and then I made a dash for the door and up the stairs and down the gallery and up those other stairs and across the atrium and into the Master Suite where I locked the door and now I'm scared to come out! Like I've never been afraid of Gus before even though he's totally black and I don't really have that many dealings with the blacks, I mean mostly he's fun and he's super-patient with me, so that's awesome. But like he's been in PRISON. I feel like I don't know anyone anymore!

So I just called Knute on the intercom and I was like, "Pssttt, did you know Gus was in prison?" And Knute goes, "I'll be right there." So I'm pretty much thinking that Knute must be freaking out too and I was wishing for a secret passageway or something so he could come to me without Gus knowing, but he just knocked on the door like everything was cool and so I went over and I was like, "Who is it?" And Knute goes, "Open the fucking door." So then I was like sure he was scared so I opened the door real fast and pulled him in. Then I slammed the door and locked it again. Knute goes, "What is your problem?" And I was like, "What is MY problem? My problem is that I have a convict making gumbo in a 20 gallon pot on my professional chef's stove." So Knute goes, "So?" And I'm all, "What do you mean 'so'? Did you know that?" And he's all, "Well Duh! I hired him. I saw his resume!" And I was like, "!" So finally I go, "What did he do?" And Knute goes, "I'm tempted to tell you he killed a celebutard, but he just didn't pay his taxes." And I was like, "Whew!" Then I felt bad because I bet Gus was worried that I was freaking out, so I was like, "What do I do?" And Knute was like, "Why don't you start by apologizing to him?" But I'm totally thinking that if I haven't even apologized to Knute for not calling the cops when he disappeared, then it's not appropriate to apologize to Gus because I figured he was dangerous. And I am all about being appropriate, so I'm not going to apologize to either of them.

I just went downstairds and Gus goes, "Are you ok?" And I was like, "Yeah, what's your problem?" he kept staring at me and now I'm still a little freaked out. Like how am I supposed to eat his waffles when I know I should apologize?

Why? Why why why???

AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaarrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhuuuuuugghh.

Guess what? I'm awake! I think I'm just going to give up on sleeping altogether. Like what's the point? I left my red carpet event early so I could be home in time to take my meds. I never leave a good party early and I left before people started getting crazy! Whatever. So I got home and took my pill and got Mr. Cat and turned out the light at the right time and went to sleep and here I am awake again! I think Mother was right when she was talking about how stressed out I am. I mean, my stalker is still out there people! I don't know how Knute does it everyday. Just like getting out of bed would be so hard, and of course, lots of days he doesn't even bother. So what? Now I am getting all defensey and that's not cute.

I have a new friend on the myspace. His name is Scott and he's a dog bat with no arms. He's cute but I have no idea how he types! He just told me he works in a graveyard and that is spooky! Plus I don't know what he could do in a graveyard at night with no wings or arms and just those little web feet, but whatever. The Myspace is full of amazing people...and dog bats.

Me and Waff were going to eat waffles tomorrow - or I guess actually today - but I know I'm going to be too tired so I went ahead and cancelled. This whole not sleeping thing is really interfering with my life!