Devastation

First of all, I can't believe I'm even up this early. Second of all, I think I'm still drunk from last night and I am completely dying that I lost Smudge. Ok, here's what happened. I was going to a gallery opening last night on SoCo - I mean, I'm not really into art and all that, but everyone was going to be there, so why not? You don't really have to look at that crap on the wall, plus it's good publicity and that never hurts. Anyway, I had Smudge in my dog purse when I left the house, but when I got home she was gone. So of course, I sent Knute back to SoCo to find her, because I was totally making out with a certain famous trailer-park resident. Somebody told me he doesn't bathe and I can believe it. I had Katrinka throw out the sheets this morning because there is no way to get that smell out. Anyway, Katrinka probably kept them and will sell them on ebay or something. I need to get Knute on that and make sure she doesn't. Those eastern europeans just cannot be trusted. I just wish she spoke English. It is hard to mime instructions when you are as hung-over as I am right now. Like, how do you act out "ebay"?
Oh yeah, Smudge - I am devastated! So Knute went back down to SoCo at like 2:00 AM and he said that he called and walked around until like 4:30 but didn't find her. I bet he actually went down to the Warehouse District and went dancing. I don't know why he complains so much about working on weekends, my best friend, Kaysee made her PA work on Christmas. I gave Knute that morning off. I am very generous with him. I mean, I let him have all my leftovers and one time, I gave him the boxers that Wilbur left in my bathroom. What more does he want?
So anyway, if you see Smudge, call me! She's an all white teacup chihuapoo. I am devastated!

Knute, bring me the effing Tylenol

Ohmygod, I got so drunk on Monday night that I haven't even been able to type until today. Without mentioning any names, I will just say that a certain famous Irish bad-boy actor was in town and I hooked up with him at THE hot spot downtown. He is so hot. We totally went back to his hotel and totally made out. He said he was in town to scout locations. I thought they hired people to do that, but whatever! I thought it was sort of weird that he was staying at the Ramada Inn, but he said he was trying to keep a low profile, and everyone knows the celebs ALWAYS stay at the Four Seasons. The most hilarious thing was that his luggage tags said his name was Steve something from North Carolina. Colin said that's his alias for when he travels. It was so hot. I totally put him in my Blackberry.
Yesterday, I went shopping with Knute in tow and found the cutest white pants. White is the new black. Or brown. I can't remember, I think brown was the new black for fall, so I guess white is the new brown for spring. TOO COMPLICATED! Knute is currently off the shit list (for now) because he did find the awesomest sunglasses that totally make me look like somebody famous from the 50s or 60s. I think they had sunglasses back then, anyway, they are CUTE and that means Knute is back on the Good List.

On warning

What a waste last night was! Of course, Tweetie was right on time and covered that cold sore like a champ. I packed up Smudge in the dog purse and headed off to the opening. No red carpet, what? Just walked in, no photo ops - nada (that's spanish). Whatever. The canapes were cold and there was a serious derth of famous people. I swear I am so over this town.
This morning, Knute AGAIN failed to bring in the paper prior to my waking up. He is on warning. Again. Last time, he let me run out of Q-Tips. Unacceptable. One time, he left the kitchen door open when the caterers were arriving for a bridal shower (Terry's daughter) and Smudge got out. Of course, Smudge is so small that she can hide anywhere. Turns out she curled up in a flower pot and went to sleep, but she could have been lost forever. Plus, I heard there are dog-kidnappers in this area, the take people's dogs and ask for ransom, it happened to my neighbor's friend. Anyway, Knute was on warning then, and he walked the straight and narrow for like two weeks before he made another mistake. That was when he left my hair dryer plugged in and I swear he did that on purpose. I should have fired him then. If he didn't know every maitre d' in this town, he'd have been gone long ago.