Community service is so boring you guys! Why can't they make it a little fun? It's like punishment or whatever. So I got home and Gus goes, "What do you want for dinner tonight?" And I was like, "I don't know. I need to take a nap." So I did and when I woke up, I went downstairs and Gus was messing around in the kitchen. So I sat down at the counter and he goes, "Do you know what you want for dinner?" And I was like, "Does it have to be like a meal?" And he's all, "What do you mean?" So I'm like, "I think I just want ice cream. Can I do that?" So Gus was like, "You can do whatever you want." So he made me a big bowl with chocolate and some bananas and it was totally just what I wanted.

Knute got out today. Gus said he sat outside by the pool while I was completing the terms of my probation. He had ice cream for dinner too. He's real quiet and I think he might be mad at me for not calling the police when he disappeared. Like I don't even know how to say I'm sorry about that. How do you apologize for letting your stalker kidnap your PA and hold him hostage in your own attic? I think that's just embarassing. I would, but I don't know how. It's kind of awkward.

My super-smart friends

That is a "beer." Beer is awesome. I just had like 15. I think. I met my super-smart friends for beers downtown and first of all, where is everyone going at 5:00? There was traffic for like ever. I don't understand who all those people were and where were they going? It was crazy! I was like, "I was supposed to be at the bar at 5:30 but the MoPac was a parking lot. It was so boring!"

I had an awesome time with my smart friends, though. I spent a lot of time talking to my Asian friend, Vera. She's kind of a big deal in dresses or something. Anyway, she's totally cool.

The cool thing about beers is they are like a meal. They probably have fiber in them! Here's the thing: I have to do this community service thing tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. I have to be up and downtown by 9:00 AM!!! Isn't that crazy? Like I never get up that early. I am going to have to get Gus to wake me up.

The good news is that Knute is coming home and by "home" I mean The Compound. His mom and dad were totally against that until I paid them all that money to go away. So he's coming home and I had Katrinka fluff out his room and everything because I'm not really sure how he's going to be. One thing we did was remove all the sharp stuff! Like who knew how much stuff just lying around is sharp! That is crazy, it took her for like, ever. I'm totally excited to have him back here. It hasn't been the same without him.

Nancy says it's a bad idea to have Knute come home because she says I'm "too dependent" upon him. Whatever that means! I'm pretty over Nancy overall.

How do you get cheese out of cashmere?

Holy shit. Last night was like crazy. Me and Rhett and Squirrel and The Virgin went to have dinner for Rhett's last night in town. Ok, first of all, Squirrel needs some Xanax. But he is super-cute. Once he got plastered he was hilarious. The Virgin was a mess! Like who calls themselves a virgin? I don't even know any virgins!!! Then the waitress threw queso all over me and I was like, "Fucking hell! I know you did that on purpose!" That bitch was freaking out. See, the thing about unfamous people is that sometimes they are so jealous of famous people that they do stuff to them. It's pathetic. Seriously. Anyway, we had the cutest booth at Guero's, of course and me and Squirrel were drinking frozen ritas and Rhett and The Virgin were drinking Strawberry margaritas. We were drunk, for real! Me and Rhett were still tired from our trip to LA. Oh, by the way, we had a meeting with the Bravo people before we left, and Rhett still had so much gas that I think they are going to pass. It was bad, you guys! I mean, normally, I think farts are pretty funny, but not in the middle of a meeting for crying out loud! Seriously. You should have seen their faces. It wasn't at all like the VF party where it was hilarious. I was trying really hard to act like I couldn't hear them or smell them, but like that was hard! I pretty much couldn't do it. At first was like laughing, but I ended up furious. Now we don't have a chat show for the Oscars. Furious!

Erica cut all my hair off! It is so awesome. Like who know I was going to like having short hair? It's crazy! I can't wait until the tabs get ahold of me. There will probably be a run on salons all over the world. So boring.

What else? Me and some of my fabulous friends are having a happy hour on Friday night! That should be awesome. I would tell you where but then the paps would show up and that would be so boring! I mean, I just want to have a little drinkie or ten with my pals and not be bothered. Maybe if I stay home all day tomorrow, the paps won't even know about my hair yet and I can go to the bar and drinky without worrying about getting my picture took.

It's So Boring When People Love You

So we're still in LA, even though it's so boring. The parties were pretty fun last night. I'm still tired. Rhett was crazy and had gas all night. It was hilarious. I would see him across the room at like, the VF party and he would get this funny look on his face, then he would walk away and about 4 seconds later everyone else would start looking funny. I have never laughed so hard in my whole entire life!

Bravo wants us to do a show next year. Whatever, I think it would be boring. Rhett is all for it. It's a red carpet show. I was like, "Are your carpets red like your drapes?" Rhett was just, "What?" He didn't get it, but I was laughing. You get it, right?

What else? I was sitting next to that guy Rob Marshall - he did a bunch a stuff like Chicago with that whore Renee and he won some stuff last night too. Anyway, I guess after those gangster boys sang, I was like, "That was awesome." And he goes, "Thanks!" I was like, "I wasn't talking to you." So he's like, "Oh." People are always totally depressed when I knock them down. So since I was still sober I decided to be nice, so I go, "No, they are super cute! I love that guy that sings with the helium." He just gave me this look. Meanwhile, Rhett was poking me in the ribs the whole time, going, "Sssst. Sssttt." So I go, "Rob, we need to do a new version of Jersey Boys." And he was like, "Oh?" And I go, "Yes, and I want to star in it." So he looked sort of confused and goes, "An all-girl 'Jersey Boys?'" And I was like, "Yes. Me and Tacoco and Jolie and somebody else - maybe Selena or someone else who can sing? - we could totally do it." So of course he was blown away by how smart I am. Everyone is. Anyway, Rhett was furious because RHETT wants to be in Jersey Boys and I think I just blew it for him. Whatever!

We're coming back tonight to Austin because it's almost time for Rhett to leave to go back to his tour. I'm going to be so totally sad when he's gone.

The Emmys

You know what's so boring? When I go to awards shows with Rhett and we stay sober to walk the red carpet and then it ends up that the damn show is in the round and the camera was on me the whole time. I couldn't even take my flask out! It was so boring. Plus Rhett had gas! More on that later!

We're off to The Governor's Ball! We are going to party!

Today

Me and Rhett are going to go play today and have I mentioned that I am obsessed with argyle this fall? It's so preppy and awesome. I would totally go shopping with Rhett except that we have to get out to LA for The Emmys. Awards show are so boring, but we need to make an appearance. It's good press and we are all about good press. This is Giorgio's drawing of the dress he designed for me. I haven't seen it yet, but I love the color. We'll be awesome. I just need to try not to get wasted because I don't want to go back to rehab again. Rhett is totally on a health-kick so hopefully we will be sober when we get there. I usually like to party during the show but that should be fine. As long as I can walk the red carpet, we'll be fine.