Tequila, yes please!

Ok, so you all know what a super-fabulous friend I am, right? Well, it's true. For instants, one of my friends got hurt today so I took him out for tequila. Lots of tequila. It made me feel better. He wasn't feeling so hot at the end of the night, I bet it was the blood loss, but whatever. They told him to drink lots of fluids at the hospital, so I'm thinking tequila is definitely a fluid.

I was totally thinking if we went somewhere fabulous, with him all bandanged and whatever, I would get some press but he wanted to go to some little out-of-the-way place, so we didn't even get photographed. Whatever. I was sort of glad, because while Mims and I were at Erica's place, I made her mad and she was supposed to be waxing my brows, but she took one whole brow off. I'm pretty pissed at that, because I'm almost sure she did that on purpose. I mean really! How could that be an accident? So I was looking totally lopsided and Knute was just about freaking out - it was almost funny, except I was so mad - then my friend called to tell me he was hurt, so I sort of forgot about my eyebrow. I guess that explains why he kept looking at me so funny over dinner...

If I wasn't so full of tequila I bet all this would make way more sense.

Complaining

Whoa, I had no idea me having a Number One Boyfriend was going to be such an issue for so many people! I shouldn't have said anything! First Yoli called me and was like, "What the hell is this?" She's like, "With the Britney Meltdown you're not getting any press anymore." So like apparently me being happy in a relationship with one guy is a bad for my image. I'm like, "I can have a car wreck if I need to." She was like, "Too obvious!" So anyway, I had to promise her that I wouldn't talk about him anymore. Which sucks because he's really awesome! Oh yeah, I'm not supposed to say that.

So after Yoli, my fans started complaining. I'm like, "Look, you people don't even know, 'kay?" Being an international celebritard is hard, you guys! It wears me out. I can't be thinking all the time! So now I'm supposed to be really careful about what I write and not mention him or anything.

So.....like.....I got back from Bellgym. The Castle is totally awesome. I have no idea when I'm going back. Mims is on her way from Luxembourg, she should be here in a bit. She needed her hair cut and we both need pedis. I saw on the myspace that Erica was out last night, so I hope she doesn't have a giant hangover like she usually does on Saturday. I think she needs to go to rehab, she has a problem. Mostly the problem is her having the shakes when she's trying to cut my hair. That is a problem. Now, see she's going to read this and be mad when I get there today and we'll probably have a fight and she'll go to jail again and then the tabs will have something to focus on. Let me go call Yoli and give her the good news. She might call the paps for me!

Whatever! Yoli wants "somthing bigger" I'm like, "Whatever!" I am not robbing a bank or killing anyone (not that there aren't some folks I'd be ok with on that).

Yay!

Bellgym is awesome! I totally love it. I haven't left the castle yet, but I'm sure the country is totally cool. Whatever.

So me and Jenn were going to be mad at one of my stalkers but then she forgot and was nice to him and now I have to be nice to him too. Like what is the point of making a pack if the other person doesn't even pack? That sucks. Now we are planning a trip to Italy. She'll have to pack for that!

I was just talking to my Number One Boyfriend on the phone - he's back in Texas and I was like missing him. But anyway, I was drinking vodka (awesome!) and now I'm tired. I don't know what timezone Bellgym is, but my body is like confused. And of course, I'm about to head back to Texas tomorrow because having a Compound and a Castle takes a lot out of a girl. I mean, it's a lot of work to have all those people roaming around. My Gus in Bellgym in Rene. He's not even a GIRL! Isn't that hilarious? My Katrinka is a old lady named Paulette. She's real crabby so I don't know about that. Her husband, Jean, is the groundskeeper. What's hilarious is you pronounce his name "zhah" Like I can tell his name is Jean! Whatever. And my Knute in Bellgym is, of course, Knute. There are a BUNCH more people in the castle, but those are the only ones I bothered with. There's a whole bunch of people called doughsents and I hope they don't think I'm going to be sending them any dough. They wear vests. Not a good look. I think they are tour guides but I was told not to call them that. Whatever!

Now I am SUPER-CONFUSED

So my Number One Boyfriend decided the tabs weren't that bad and so we are seeing each other again. Don't look for us in paps' pics though because we are going to be sneaky. Not like Lindsey whoring around Italy. I mean, Italy is totally hot and I would have sex there three times a day, but probably not with three different guys! I mean, totally! That's just de classe. I used to think that meant classy, but then this one time, my governess overheard me talking to Paris about a purse she had that looked like a vadge, and so my governess was like, "You aren't using that word properly." So now I know that it means NOT CLASSY. Or Klassy. I like to write Klassy with a K to mean that it isn't classy at all. It's de classe if it's Klassy.

DAMN that's confusing. My head is spinning.

Oh yeah, I'm in Belgium. Not Bellgym. That's what it sounds like, but that's not how it's spelled. The castle is awesome. Cold, but awesome. I got a hysterical commission too, so I guess I won't be putting in a pool either. Thad will be super sympathetic.

So thanks to all my Potential New Number One Boyfriends, you can stop sending the flowers now. I'm keeping the jewelry, though!

Better!

So Daddy's secretary Vanessa called me yesterday and I was telling her about how stupid boys are and about my #1 Boyfriend being a DB and she goes, "I have some news that will cheer you up. Go check your email." So sure enough, there was a message from Daddy's real estate guy and Daddy found me a castle! I totally forgot that he was looking. Isn't that hilarious? I was planning to go shoe shopping today because I'm bored and mad. But now I'm going to do whatever I need to do to get ready to go to Bellgym - which I don't care for the name since I hate to work out, but whatever - Daddy's real estate guy says it's even sort of near Luxembourg. So that's awesome, since that flight back with a hangover is way boring.

So the castle is not as big as Mims' but that's ok, since I'll have to hire more staff and that is super boring. I wonder what they speak in Bellgym? I'll get Knute on that.

Here's a picture, it looks really cute, right?

Today after I shoe shop and Knute does all the stuff he needs to do to get me ready for Bellgym, I'm going to meet Biff for a movie and dinner. He's like my #4 boyfriend right now. Although the rankings have all changed after to this weekend. STUPID BOYS. Maybe he's #3 now, we'll see.