Fuck me twice!

So Knute just finally got back to The Compound and he's not even talking to me. Gus made red beans and rice for dinner which was awesome and I was just sitting in the kitchen having some dinner and Knute walked in. He just went right past me to the elevator and I was all, "HELLOW!" Well, I should have kept my mouth shut because he went nuts! Turns out it took awhile for Brookie to regain consciousness and Knute now says he's not going to work for a murderer anymore. Technically, it's like attempted murder or maybe like negligent homicide or something. Maybe like reckless endangerment. Anyway, that's besides the point. The point is, he's upstairs packing all his shit and says he's leaving and not coming back. Well, he's done that before so I'm not scared. He's super mad, though.

Well, Fuck Me.

I just got off the phone with Knute who's still at the hospital with Brookie. He's still furious and now he's saying that he can't work for me anymore because I'm totally without morale or something but I think I'm very upbeat mostly.

Cheese and limes

It's almost Sinko de Mayo again! This time last year I was in Rhode Island with Rhett and I was super-confused because it is definitely NOT an island.

So today, I was IMing Scar while I was hiding in the utility room from The Houseguest. Brookie was looking for me everywhere but of course that girl wouldn't go in the room where laundry gets done because she might accidentally fold something!

(Actually, I totes didn't even know I had a utility room until today when I was looking for a place to hide! I thought we sent the laundry out!)

So what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Brookie, driving me nuts with her foot and those crutches and whatever. So late this afternoon, I made her some hot chocolate and crushed up some extra painkillers in so I could go out with Scar. Once Brookie passed out, I got in the Maz and headed downtown for margs and queso (it's pronounced "kay, so" It's Spanish. Mostly it's just cheese.) Anyway, we were like telling stories about Justin and his wiener and the waitress was freaking out because there really weren't any famous people in this little place and when she came to take one round of our drinks, she was like, "Can I ask you a question?" And Scar, she's nicer than me, was all, "Sure." And the girl goes, "How long have you been friends because I didn't even know you guys knew each other, much less that you would be hanging out drinking margs together." And Scar was like, "Couple of years." So she was like, "Awesome." Then I was all, "Bring us another round or that bitch will tear you up." Then the waitress laughed like super loud. I totes don't know what she was laughing about because when Scar's booze is late, she is like scary. Not scarry - whoa! I don't even know what I'm typing right now. I shouldn't write on my bloggy thing when I've been drinking but that IS most of the time, so I don't know when I would write.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, so when I got home a little while ago, Knute was all calling and he was like furious because he said I could have killed Brookie with the painkillers but I was all, "Hey, she's gotta learn to handle her pills!" So now Knute is not speaking to me, Brookie is still at the ER because I guess she can't handle her pills and Knute is up there with her, being furious. Knute had to call the ambulance when he couldn't find her pulse or whatever so now he feels like he can't leave her, but I am too drunk to drive up to the hospital and plus I'm super-tired. How long does it take to make a bone stop running around in your foot? Because she's seriously GOT TO GO.

Oh yea, me and Scar got pedis too!

It's so hard to be so awesome!

These are my new Choos. Awesome, right?

So here's the thing. Brookie came and her foot looked seriously effed up, so Knute took her to a orthodontist or some kind of bone doctor and turns out she has like a bone roaming around loose in her foot. Like, GROSS! I'm pretty sure bones are supposed to stay put.

Here's the thing about houseguests: they suck. It's just a whole lot more work for the staff and I have to be nice all the time and that just sucks. Plus Brookie is so bored she never leaves me alone. Like I'm seriously considering starting to run or something because I know she can't follow me. I mean, when I see her like 4 times a year, she's super-fun, but having her right next to me for days on end is like boring. And I feel like I can't really fight with her because she got some AWESOME painkillers when she went to the orthodontist so she's good for that. So what was I talking about? I might have to go to the apartment in NYC just to get away from her. Plus I've been solving all the problems this one friend of mine has and frankly, she has so many problems that I get tired of typing some nights because she lives in NYC so I'm fixing her life via email and IMs and crap like that. My fingers are killing me, like I think I have corporal chunnel or whatever. Some days it is hard to be so awesome. Like people want to live with me while their free-range bones settle down and other people want my awesome advice about relationships and jobs and crap that I don't even have. It's exhausting.

OMG, I totally got sidetracked talking about myself that I forgot to talk about The Incredible Hulk Hogan and his daughter Brooke who is not my houseguest, that's a different Brooke or Brookie -- it's super confusing. Anyway, did anyone see those pictures of The Incredible Hulk rubbing tanning oil on her butt? That was weird. Why would he do that? I mean, it's awesome that he's worried about skin cancer or whatever, but why was he touching her? My daddy hasn't even hugged me since I was like 4, much less applied a SPF to my butt. There's just no need for that. And not because I like to be awesomely tan, but because your butt falls into the parts of your body people shouldn't touch unless they buy you dinner or drinks first. My nanny taught me that.

Today is Houseguest day!

So this morning, I was all resting with Mr. Cat in the master suite but I could hear people screaming outside. So at first I thought maybe we did have a tornado and it was people waiting to be rescued or something. But it turns out there was some Fun Run going right past the gate to The Compound. Although I don't know if you can really call it "fun" when it's raining. That does not sound like "fun" to me.

Knute has gone to the airport to pick up Brookie, he's furious because she told him last night that she wants a Rascal to ride around in and I was like, "If Brookie wants it, you better get it." Now that I think about, I was thinking that he was furious with her, but I bet he's furious with me. Plus I think he wanted that tacky necklace that I gave to Katrinka. Anyway, so Knute was on the phone all morning (and I should know because he woke me up) and I guess he found one judging from the amount of cussing going on. The good news is that we have the Range Rover to ride her around in and she won't be able to get her leg into the Maz so I don't have to take her anywhere because I still totes can't back up in the RR. I hit another tree like a month ago and Knute told me not to drive it anymore. I think it's just because he wants to drive it. Which is fine. Although we did end up losing the tree, so maybe he's got something there.