Poor people eat good

You know what's awesome? Something called a "chilidog." Gus made me one for dinner. I think poor people eat them which is why I've never had one until now. I wonder what other cool stuff poor people have that I've missed out on?

Knute just read that and said it was too tacky and I should take it out. Whatever! I do wonder. One time, I was talking to Katrinka and right in the middle of our conversation, it suddenly occurred to me that she might be poor. Which is crazy because I know how much I pay her and it ought to be plenty!

Citrus=Awesome

You know what's almost as awesome as a Lemon Slush from the Sonic? A Lemonade Slushie from the Taco Cabana. For those of my fans who don't live in Texas, the Taco Cabana is totally excellent. If you are a fan in California, it's sort of like the Pollo Loco. If you are anywhere else, I can't explain it except that it is awesome. It's like fast food, but they sell MARGARITAS! Love that.

I've decided lemons are the best. But limes are good too, now that I think about it. I even like an orange! I guess I just like citrus. Even my shampoo is citrus! Maybe I'm obsessed or something. Now I'm worried.

Knute says really liking something doesn't mean you are obsessed. Then he goes, "Of course, it doesn't mean you aren't, either." I was all, "That's no help." We were lying by the pool and the new yardman was trimming the maze. I was like, "How's he going to know how to do the maze?" And Knute goes, "It's a hedge." And I was all, "!" I mean, it's a maze. When I was little and Grandmamma lived here at The Compound, before Grandpappa got killed by the Bentley, I got lost in there once, so really I don't even know why I still have it. I mean, it takes up a lot of space and it sort of scares me so I really could put something else there. The whole point of this is that the gardener knew how to do a maze without even anyone telling him! He must be super smart! His name is Manuel but it's pronounced "mahn-WELL" He kept correcting me when I was calling him MAN-u-el. Some people are so picky. After awhile of me talking to him he started acting like he doesn't speak English. That was pretty boring.

Sigh

So here's the thing: I miss Rhett. I know when he was here all I did was complain about amnesia and how I never slept, but he is super fun and keeps things silly. This is all probably because of the mold. I accidently saw the news today and the standing up guy was talking about mold and I got to thinking about molds and that lead me to things that are plastic and then I was thinking about Rhett. Look, don't ask me to explain it, it's just how my brain works.
Speaking of now my brain works: I am awesome! Just check out my new poll. That's how you get the answers you want!

Gawd I am so smart! Today, I met a guy in a chair that had wheels. I was like, "That is super-lazy! Maybe I need one of those." And he was all, "I'm paralyzed." So that's my new word for lazy. "I was so paralyzed this weekend that I had to get plastered with Waff." "You know what's paralyzing? My fans." Awesome! I love to expand my vocab! "You know what else is super-paralyzing? Community service."

Awesome.

God you people are pissing me off!

Seriously, I put those polls on here so you guys can tell me how awesome I am! If you are just going to fuck around and not click SUPAH-Whatever, I will quit putting polls on my blog. For real! I am furious.

I will just have to figure out how to put a poll up that will make me happy. Somebody says "There are lies, damn lies and static electricity" or something like that and that's what this is. Static electricity.

So I had another meeting with the Bravo people about the red carpet show. Only this time they set it up without Rhett who, you will recall, was gassy. So they said they aren't really interested in him, but they want me and now I am seriously torn because the whole show was kind of his idea. I mean, he's super busy and whatever, so he probably doesn't even watch TV and like it's a couple of months away so seriously I could probably do it and he would never know. But that makes me feel icky for some reason. Could be all those margaritas I drank during the meeting. I'm not sure. I just know I'm not feeling too good. I told them I needed to talk to my agent. And then I remembered I got dropped by my agent and I don't even have one now! Like wtf, people? So I guess I'm shopping for a new agent. Yoli says taking the show is "opening a can of worms". Who wants to do that, for real? That doesn't sound like fun at all! How do worms live in a can? It seems like they would suffocate. So maybe it's a good thing, like all humanitarian and whatever. Or wormitarian.

It's hard to be me, sometimes, you guys

I almost went to NYC today. My friend Holli was texting me like a crazy black man and I was all, "I do not know who you are." Then she was like, "It's me!" So I'm all, I guess I better store her number because the last time she texted me I thought I had another stalker! Anyway, the point is, she wants me to come visit and I'm super torn because I promised Rhett I wouldn't go back up there until he was back and now I'm really sorry I made that promise since I want to go so bad. But see, here's the thing: I know he doesn't really read this, even though he says he does. So I could totally go and just not tell him. That wouldn't be like breaking a promise if he never finds out! Right?

Whatever.

So I went over to Mims' and Thad's house for dinner (awesome, btw. I made a salad. Well, I put spinach in a bowl. Lupe would be proud). Thad was looking at my myspace and he was all, "You have lots of new friends." And I was like, 'They're fans." So I showed him the dogduck and I go, " I would have a crush on him if I knew him." And he was like, "He's funny looking." And I was all, "He's super smart. I don't even understand half of what he writes to me!" Which is true. Also, he's super paranoid which probably means he's famous. All the really famous people are paranoid, that's why we all hang out together.

What was I talking about?

Oh yea, I also went shopping today because me and Knute decided to get all crazy for Halloween. It's my favorite holiday. I was thinking it would be fun to be like a real haunted house and have crows and stuff all over the yard. So Knute goes, "We could do that, I think you can buy them at craft stores and whatever." So I go, "You don't have to get them at a pet store?" And K just looked at me for a bit and he goes, "Do you want real crows?" And I'm like, "Do they make fake ones?" I was like, "!" So Knute seems to think that if I bought a bunch of crows and let them loose on the lawn they would just fly away. Whatever! As if they wouldn't know how awesome my Compound is! Sometimes I don't know about Knute. He finally said he thought they would fight with the peacocks, so I guess I won't do it.

So back to NYC. I think I'm totally going to go. Daddy says I can't use his plane ever again after Adam Levine barfed in the fridge. He's jewish too! Like why would you barf in the fridge, for reals? Anyway, I guess I'll have to fly commercial to NYC and that means I have to pay for Knute to come too. That's pretty boring. Maybe he won't want to come. He did get kidnapped up there not too long ago. I'm thinking at this rate, pretty soon I won't be able to take Knute anywhere since he has trawma wherever he goes. Including the attic! That I didn't even know I had!

Whatever.

It's going to be an awsome week, I can feel it. Even without crows on the lawn.