Home. Bam.

Yeah, I didn't make it 90 days at Promises like they wanted me to. I'm home. Rhett texted me and was all, "We cood b drnkn." And like that was all I needed. I came straight back to Texas. I just got home from being out with him and we had a fabulous time. We met at this bar with a super-cute bartender (what up, Curtis?) and that was totally boring. So we went downtown to see what was what. It was so boring. I have never been so bored in my whole entire life. Like where are all the cute people? It makes me crazy.

Anyway, I'm going to go see my fiance Bucky this weekend and that will be awesome. I haven't seen him since like forever. He doesn't live in my bouganvilla anymore, which makes me sad, and it's not the same without him skulking around the hedges. Anyway. Rhett's coming with me and I was all, "Let's be smart when we go down to Houston. Let's go to a museum." So Rhett was like, "Ooo, I like The Galleria Museum. It's like one big giftshop!" So we're going to be super-smart at The Galleria Museum before we see Bucky. I'm sure he's going to be livid that I'm brining Rhett along, but like, it's too boring to drive all the way to Houston by myself. Last time I did that, I had a really scary thing happen. I started feeling really strange, so I was rushing as fast as I could to get home and I totally got pulled over. So the cop was all, "What's your problem?" Which is a totally rude question and I should know since I ask it all the time. Anyway, I was like, "I'm having a negative reaction to my prescription medication." So he got all worried and offered to call an ambulance but I was like, "Look, I know for a fact that I have 20 more minutes before the Ambien starts really working. It takes a little longer when you've been on ephedrine for three days, so I really don't have that much time before the Xanax totally kicks in and I will need to lie down." I have never seen a cop so rude. He pulled me right out of the Maserati and was like, "Missy, you are going to jail." I was like, "Whatever. Don't you know who I am?" And it was like he didn't even hear me. Whatever. I didn't go to jail but that was just because I totally didn't time the Xanax right and I passed out by the side of the highway. Anyway. I woke up in the hospital but I only got a ticket!

Anyway, I'm super-glad to be out of rehab. Not cute, you guys!

Rehab sucks, you guys

Gawd, I hate being away. It's so boring. So I'm at Promises and it's so boring. I haven't even been able to get a facial. I went through detox and that was super boring. Plus I've been super-furious because everyone is acting like a asshole and that makes me crazy.

The thing that made me most furious is this: Mims and I were talking today and she just casually mentioned that she totally told a mutual friend that I told her about the friend's boob job. Ok, like first of all, I shouldn't have been talking about her boobs, but Mims had no right to turn around and tell her that I told her. I mean, who does that? It's like she was raised by a barn or something. My grandmamma used to say that. Or something like that. Grandpappa died when the Bentley backed over him. I still don't understand how that happened. The gross thing was that grandmamma kept that car! Isn't that super-icky? Like I never trusted their driver after that. How did that happen? And I think Bentleys are like heavy and stuff. He was squished. She just hosed that car down and said, "It's a Bentley, darling." I guess. The dents always freaked me out, but grandmamma was no dummy, that's all I'm saying.

I have a new friend. She's detoxing too. Her name is Liz. She is hilarious, I cannot wait to party with her as soon as we get out. I bet she gets out first, though because she's been here for like ever. What up, girl? She has the best coke here at Promises, that's all I know.

Furious

So Paris got out today and I'm going in. To rehab! Not jail. Jail is gross. My lawyerlady says that I need to show the judges that I'm serious about getting my life in order. I was like, "Am I?" And she was all, "You better be." So whatever. I'm just going to Promises to detox and get some rest. Because I am tired you guys. The other night, I was sitting down by the fire pit just being all exhausted and whatever and I saw this raccoon walking by and it looked so cute with its little hands and its little mask, I was totally thinking, "I wish all animals could be so well accessorized." The only thing that would have made it cuter would have been like pearls and a little handbag. Anyway, the next thing I knew, it was morning and raining and I was still by the firepit and that was not cute you guys. So maybe rehab is a good place for me because I'm pretty sure if you are putting together mental outfits for the varmits on your compound, it's time to get your ass to Promises.