Moonbeam and Red Bull

Ok, so Moonbeam reappeared late yesterday afternoon and said she wanted to "bond" by spending some time with me. I was getting ready to go out with Lindsay - we were totally going to check out this new club called Warp downtown. Anyway, Knute was crimping my hair, which I guess is back because the 80s are the new 70s or the new 60s. Or something. It's all very confusing, but anyway, Knute says crimping is back, so he was crimping away. Ok, so Moonbeam is ringing the bell right as we are finishing up and Lindsay let her in because Lindsay was downstairs trying to make this drink we had at Snowpea last week. I think it was like a grasshopper, only with tequila or something, I actually don't remember all that much because I'd been partying in the bathroom with some guy named Guy. I am not kidding, isn't that the funniest thing you've ever heard? A guy named Guy. It's like hilarious.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so Knute and I were finishing my retro-80s look with a giant bow in my hair and I guess Moonbeam started talking to Lindsay and L was telling her all about the diet we are on and going out and I have no idea how it happened, but Lindsay ended up inviting Moonbeam to go out clubbing with us. What? I was really pissed. Because Moonbeam is going to report directly to Mother and Daddy, so I can't have as much fun as normal. So Lindsay convinced her that she needed to have the whole Me Experience, so we dragged her upstairs, gave her some Red Bull and Grey Goose and a cat tranquilizer. Meanwhile, it turns out she actually does have a cute figure and she totally fit into my last year's Rodriguez graphic print wrap dress. Knute fired up the crimper again and took care of that mess on her head while L and I totally did her make-up. She was really cute, but she kept talking about vitamins and self-love, which I think sounds totally dirty. Anyway, she was hammered by the time we left the house and Knute drove is to Warp. I don't really remember a lot about it except that Moonbeam ( we renamed her Madison for last night because Moonbeam is too 60s. Or 70s.) was dancing on the bar and later she barfed in the men's room. Anyway, by the end of the evening, Madison was totally making out with some guy named Quentin who is a director or something I guess. He said he was only in town for another week or so working on a movie. Directors aren't as much fun as actors, but they can actually cast you, so you have to be nice to them and listen to their boring stories about "losing light" or whatever the hell they talk about, I usually just tune them out. Anyway, Madison was being very nice to him and in fact, they left together. I still haven't heard from her, so I'm thinking that Mother and Daddy won't get a report about last night. I just hope I get my dress back.

Whatever

Oh my god, I am so pissed at my parents. They came to visit like a week ago or something, but it was a weird visit and they totally acting all parental and everything. I didn't even see them that much because Lindsay and I were busy with going out and partying. So Monday, at the crack of 10:00AM, I totally do not get up that early, ok? My doorbell is ringing and Knute answers it and it is totally some LIFE COACH my parents hired to help me "get on track". Like this is gym class or something. Please! So, I throw on some yoga pants and my Versace hoodie and go down to meet her. Ok, first of all, her name is Moonbeam. Yes, Moonbeam Bragewitz. Ok, I don't even know where to go from there. She's wearing some kind of crazy housecoat or something. When Knute asked her about it, she said it's a caftan. All know is that it does nothing for her figure - not that she has one.
Ok, so she wanted to "interact" with me. So we sat down in back by the pool and she was asking me all kinds of questions about goals and dreams and plans - like, whatever. I just told her I'm trying to have a good time while the designers are still giving me free clothes. Like what is wrong with that? She totally didn't even have an answer besides some crap about self-esteem and my body being a temple or something. I'm pretty sure she's trying to turn me into a Jew or whatever - why else would she be talking about temple, right? Isn't that what they call church?
Needless to say, Knute is beside himself. When she finally left, we totally opened a bottle of Crystal and laughed until I almost barfed. The problem is that she's going to be all over me for however long my parents continue to pay her. I called them about it and Daddy said he was concerned about my ability to manage my trust, which I'm supposed to get when I turn 25. He said if I can't even keep a dog in my purse, how could I keep twenty-five million? Like, I totally thought it was more than that. Anyway, they want me to be more mature or whatever. WHATEVER!