Not even going

So me and Knute were just talking because I was supposed to have made him a list of whatever I wanted to take to Luxembourg, but I didn't. So he just came in the Master Suite and goes, "Cups, what's wrong?" I guess it's not like me not to want to take a trip. So I was like, "I feel icky." I was actually just lying here on the bed with my head hanging off the edge because sometimes that makes me think better. So he's all like, "Maybe you need to sit up." So I did and then I got dizzy, so Knute made me lie down flat. So then he's all like, "Why are you icky?" And I was like, "I don't know. I just am. I don't even want to go to Luxembourg. I just want to stay here and sleep." So he was all, "Is it the weather?" And I go, "yeeeaaaaaa..." Then Knute is all, "Is it your Number One Boyfriend?" And I could totally tell by the way he said it that he mentally capitalized it, so I was like, "No capitals." And Knute was like, "Huh?" I said, "Don't capitalize it." Well, you would have thought I was totally speaking a foreign language because he looked so blank." He goes, "Capitalize what?" And I go, "Number One Boyfriend." And he's all, "Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay. What are you talking about?" And I go, "He doesn't deserve to be capitalized anymore." Well, I don't see what the problem was, but Knute was having issues with the whole conversation, so I just totally changed the subject. Anyway, we aren't going to Luxembourg, I'm going to stay in bed all weekend and sulk, whatever that means. That's what Knute suggested, he's all, "I bet you'd feel way better if you just sulked." So I'm totally going to do that, even though I don't know what that is. I hope it's like shopping or getting a facial!

Ok, here's the thing...

I see that all my fans are totally voting to hear more about my number one boyfriend but, as I'm sure you noticed, I didn't even capitalize it - which means, of course, he's gone. He couldn't make up his mind about how fabulous I am, so he had to go. I mean, what else could I do? If he's not 100% all over how awesome I am, he's out. It's that simple.

So I was going to take him to Luxembourg with me to visit Mims and Thad, but since he flaked out, I'm going alone. How sucky is that? I mean, Knute will go, but I was sort of looking forward to having like a trip with a number one boyfriend. I'm not even going to ask any of my other boyfriends. I might not even go at all. I think I might be depressed. This sucks.

I need a panda

I just saw one of these in a video and I think I need one. I think it's a dog. I don't have a dog. I know I have a cat or a couple of cats, I think. I don't think I have a dog yet. So I'm all like, "Knute, get me a panda-dog. He was like, "Ok! A dog would be fun!." So I was up in my computer room and I showed him the panda dog I wanted and Knute was like, "That's not a dog." I totally don't even care, I just want one. Then he was like, "It's engendered." I have no idea what that means and I don't even care.

Tequila, yes please!

Ok, so you all know what a super-fabulous friend I am, right? Well, it's true. For instants, one of my friends got hurt today so I took him out for tequila. Lots of tequila. It made me feel better. He wasn't feeling so hot at the end of the night, I bet it was the blood loss, but whatever. They told him to drink lots of fluids at the hospital, so I'm thinking tequila is definitely a fluid.

I was totally thinking if we went somewhere fabulous, with him all bandanged and whatever, I would get some press but he wanted to go to some little out-of-the-way place, so we didn't even get photographed. Whatever. I was sort of glad, because while Mims and I were at Erica's place, I made her mad and she was supposed to be waxing my brows, but she took one whole brow off. I'm pretty pissed at that, because I'm almost sure she did that on purpose. I mean really! How could that be an accident? So I was looking totally lopsided and Knute was just about freaking out - it was almost funny, except I was so mad - then my friend called to tell me he was hurt, so I sort of forgot about my eyebrow. I guess that explains why he kept looking at me so funny over dinner...

If I wasn't so full of tequila I bet all this would make way more sense.

Complaining

Whoa, I had no idea me having a Number One Boyfriend was going to be such an issue for so many people! I shouldn't have said anything! First Yoli called me and was like, "What the hell is this?" She's like, "With the Britney Meltdown you're not getting any press anymore." So like apparently me being happy in a relationship with one guy is a bad for my image. I'm like, "I can have a car wreck if I need to." She was like, "Too obvious!" So anyway, I had to promise her that I wouldn't talk about him anymore. Which sucks because he's really awesome! Oh yeah, I'm not supposed to say that.

So after Yoli, my fans started complaining. I'm like, "Look, you people don't even know, 'kay?" Being an international celebritard is hard, you guys! It wears me out. I can't be thinking all the time! So now I'm supposed to be really careful about what I write and not mention him or anything.

So.....like.....I got back from Bellgym. The Castle is totally awesome. I have no idea when I'm going back. Mims is on her way from Luxembourg, she should be here in a bit. She needed her hair cut and we both need pedis. I saw on the myspace that Erica was out last night, so I hope she doesn't have a giant hangover like she usually does on Saturday. I think she needs to go to rehab, she has a problem. Mostly the problem is her having the shakes when she's trying to cut my hair. That is a problem. Now, see she's going to read this and be mad when I get there today and we'll probably have a fight and she'll go to jail again and then the tabs will have something to focus on. Let me go call Yoli and give her the good news. She might call the paps for me!

Whatever! Yoli wants "somthing bigger" I'm like, "Whatever!" I am not robbing a bank or killing anyone (not that there aren't some folks I'd be ok with on that).

Yay!

Bellgym is awesome! I totally love it. I haven't left the castle yet, but I'm sure the country is totally cool. Whatever.

So me and Jenn were going to be mad at one of my stalkers but then she forgot and was nice to him and now I have to be nice to him too. Like what is the point of making a pack if the other person doesn't even pack? That sucks. Now we are planning a trip to Italy. She'll have to pack for that!

I was just talking to my Number One Boyfriend on the phone - he's back in Texas and I was like missing him. But anyway, I was drinking vodka (awesome!) and now I'm tired. I don't know what timezone Bellgym is, but my body is like confused. And of course, I'm about to head back to Texas tomorrow because having a Compound and a Castle takes a lot out of a girl. I mean, it's a lot of work to have all those people roaming around. My Gus in Bellgym in Rene. He's not even a GIRL! Isn't that hilarious? My Katrinka is a old lady named Paulette. She's real crabby so I don't know about that. Her husband, Jean, is the groundskeeper. What's hilarious is you pronounce his name "zhah" Like I can tell his name is Jean! Whatever. And my Knute in Bellgym is, of course, Knute. There are a BUNCH more people in the castle, but those are the only ones I bothered with. There's a whole bunch of people called doughsents and I hope they don't think I'm going to be sending them any dough. They wear vests. Not a good look. I think they are tour guides but I was told not to call them that. Whatever!

Now I am SUPER-CONFUSED

So my Number One Boyfriend decided the tabs weren't that bad and so we are seeing each other again. Don't look for us in paps' pics though because we are going to be sneaky. Not like Lindsey whoring around Italy. I mean, Italy is totally hot and I would have sex there three times a day, but probably not with three different guys! I mean, totally! That's just de classe. I used to think that meant classy, but then this one time, my governess overheard me talking to Paris about a purse she had that looked like a vadge, and so my governess was like, "You aren't using that word properly." So now I know that it means NOT CLASSY. Or Klassy. I like to write Klassy with a K to mean that it isn't classy at all. It's de classe if it's Klassy.

DAMN that's confusing. My head is spinning.

Oh yeah, I'm in Belgium. Not Bellgym. That's what it sounds like, but that's not how it's spelled. The castle is awesome. Cold, but awesome. I got a hysterical commission too, so I guess I won't be putting in a pool either. Thad will be super sympathetic.

So thanks to all my Potential New Number One Boyfriends, you can stop sending the flowers now. I'm keeping the jewelry, though!