The Gays Love Me

They might as well call Splash Weekend "The Big Gay Weekend" because I guess the gays all come out for it. That was pretty cute to see a bunch of people I'll never see again. Probably.

Last night started off crazy because Rhett's dad invited me to come have dinner, I thought at the estate, but no. No. Rhett's daddy, his name is Butch and he owns a television station or some networks or something about TV, I don't really know. Anyway, Butch thinks he's like "outdoorsy" or whatever and he's always going on about hunting and fishing and cows and crap like that. We have nothing to talk about. Ever. Anyway, I put on a little Pucci dress and some Choos and headed over to the estate, but Rhett goes, "No, we are going to the land." Like that is so mysterious sounding to me. "The land." Like first we were going to space but not now! Whatever, I was thinking about that and Rhett takes me out to the air strip and we get on Butch's jet and the next thing I know we are in New Mexico. I was like, "I did not even bring my passport, you guys!" Anyway, Butch has a place out near Santa Fe. That town is cute and so foreign looking! Anyway, the driver took us out to the country. I mean out there. Butch was there, he only has one leg, by the way. He had a fire going and he was cooking steaks and potatoes and corn. I climbed down out of that SUV and I was all, "What the fuck is up with all this nature?" I was not expecting that. I don't do nature. Also, while we were sitting at this table, eating steak, a cow walked by and I was like embarassed. I wanted to go, "I hope this isn't a relative!" That cow was crazy. He had his baby cow with him and they were both drooling. Later someone told me they probably had "mad cow disease." But I was like, "He didn't seem mad, I think he just had rabies." All wild animals have it.

Anyway, you would think that would be like a full evening with all the nature and stuff, but no! We got back on the jet and flew back to Austin, went home and got all cute, I had something called "cow paddy" on Choos. That did not smell so good. Anyway, we got all cute again and went out to the bar. Rhett was looking at my outfit and he goes, "I love your little outfit! You look sexy! How did you put that together? Did you do that all by yourself?" And I was all, "Yes. I was thinking about hiring a stylist, but this outfit is so good, I might not." Rhett goes, "You don't need one. You could be one!" I was all, "!" Maybe I'll do that! I mean, that's basically what this blog is for, to like help people be awesomer and that's what a stylist does. The only problem is that I hate to work.

It's Splash Weekend, as I think I already wrote about, and the gays love me. I don't really know why except that I'm so fabulous. Anyway, it sure was confusing because, I looked awesome, and everytime I turned around someone was touching me or my Versace dress - silk - anyway, it was girls usually! I was like, "This is a gay bar. You aren't a guy." I think those girls are sad that just hang around gay bars and try to look like boys. I wanted to say, "They will never sleep with you because you are a girl." It was totally weird but most of those girls were kissing other girls by the end of the night! That is crazy! If they wanted to be with other girls, why are they at a gay bar!? "!"

Anyway we were hilarious and we saw all sorts of people we know and that was fun. Later on, after the bar closed, we were standing outside chatting and Rhett started playing one of our favorite games called, "Hi! How are you? It's good to see you again!" I love that game. Anyway we had a fabulous contestant named Steve. He was really good at it. He and Rhett really hit it off and they were chatting and then Steve's friends came over and they were so cute! Chris and Andy! I was loving them - what up, Chris and Andy!? - we talked to them for a like a hour. I was a little hurt that they only wanted Rhett's number, but I guess they were scared to ask me because I think mostly famous people don't give out their numbers except to other famous people, so nonfamous people don't even ask anymore. I wasn't mad or anything. By the time I dropped Rhett off at the estate and I got back to The Compound it like 5:00 or something! Gus was already up! I was like, "Hi! How are you? It's good to see you again!" but you can't really play with people you know or else it's not hilarious. He was like, "Are you just coming home?" And I was like, "Yes! I am exhausted from being so fabulous." So he was like, "Go to bed. You are still sick, crazy girl." So I did and I just woke up and he made me a waffle and my life is like perfect.