Yuck

All of Austin smells like a dead cricket bat. Or a bunch of dead cricket bats. When I went to see Knute today - I guess his doctor said it was ok since I wasn't even in disguise - when I went to see Knute I was all, "What is up with those bats?" And he was like, "What bats?" So I'm all, "The little crunchy, chirpy ones." He goes, "Those are crickets." I was like, "Cricket bats stink. For reals." So he was like laughing - which was good to see - and he goes, "A cricket bat is something else entirely. A cricket is a bug." I was like, "Whatever --too complicated!" Anyway those fuckers are everywhere! At night it is like totally gross! They are flying around all the lights and tonight I had to go to the grocery store - I KNOW! I said I would never ever go back, but like I was out of that juice for my contacts and Gus won't buy me stuff like that. He only buys food. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the cricket bats! Those fuckers are piled up like coke at Kate Moss's house all over and they smell so nasty! I walked in that store and I was like, "I need a manager. Or the president." So this lady come hustling over and she was all, "How can I help you?" And I was all, "You wish you could! Can't you have your people sweep those dead cricket bats away and spray some air refreshener?" And she was all, "Certainly. Where are they?" So I totally point and go, "All over the parking lot! HELLOW! Where have you been? Your driver must drop you off at the VIP entrance if you've missed that!" So she looks all confused and she goes, "You want us to spray air freshener outside?" So I was like, "Duh!" Anyway, it sort of got complicated from there and I guess I can't go back to that HEB anymore. That's ok, it was full of poor people and cricket bats so it wasn't really my scene anyway.

Speaking of "my scene", me and Rhett are going out tomorrow to some country show in South Austin. Like that's practically a foreign country! I'm scared but Rhett says it's ok. We're supposed to be seeing someone named Rodney Foster. Rhett kept saying, "It's RADney." I was all, "Yeah right!" He's trying to make me look stupid. Ha!