Floods and whatever

So this morning, me and Rhett were lying around the media room being so bored. I mean, how many episodes of Entourage can you watch in one sitting? So I was like dying, so Rhett goes, "Let's go look at all the flood devastation!" So I was like, "Yes!" I totally wanted to take the Jag-you-are with Harvey driving, but you would have thought that I suggested Hitler drive my Grandmamma around. Rhett is really out of control on this one. Anyway, we made Knute drive the RR since we decided we'd need four-wheel drive. Which sounds totally weird to me because all four wheels are always driving, it's not like it normally has two wheels and then when you shift that thingy, two more pop down or something. It's crazy.

Anyway, we decided to go to this one town that got flooded really bad and the streets were like washed out and it was terrible and not cute. Plus I was wearing my beige Coach slingback stilettos and hiking was kind of hard. But I looked totally cute.

The whole way over to that town, Rhett was talking about Monte this and Monte that and Monte is stalking me and Monte is crazy and blah blah blah. I was like, "Rhett has gone nuts." I was so bored by the whole thing, but at one point, we were climbing over all this dahbree and Rhett goes, "Look at that person sitting on the bench down there. That's creepy." And I was like, "Holy shit! That's MONTE." And it was! That is scary. What was Monte doing way out there in the middle of nowhere, sitting on a bench, staring at us? Gives me the shivers just thinking about it!

Oh, thanks to all my fans who wrote in to tell me that what I heard yesterday wasn't bombs but rather fireworks! I felt way better about that. Although I was sure we were at war because when I went to look outside, I saw this giant rat wearing a bulletproof vest or armor or something. I know it sounds crazy, but I yelled at Knute to come look at that rat and he goes, "What?" So I was like, "Come look at this bulletproof rat." So he comes out on the verandah and goes, "Where?" So I go, "Right there!" And Knute goes, "Oh! That's an Armored Dillo." I don't know what kind of rat an Armored Dillo is, but it makes me nervous when the rodents are plated. You know? Why would a rat wear armor anyway? What do they know that we don't?