W.T.F.?

That is something called a big foot. I'd never even heard of that shit until last night, me and Gus and Knute were sitting down by the fire pit drinking absinthe and smoking some weed and Gus goes, totally out of the blue, "Lemme tell you about the time I seen a big foot." I was like, "I see a big foot every other Saturday when Mims puts her big flappers in the water at the vietnamese place." And Gus sort of looked at me funny and goes, "No, The Big Foot." And I was all, "She's got Two Big Feet." Then I was laughing really hard and Knute goes, "Big foot. Don't you know about Big foot?" And I was like, "no" So Knute goes to get my cute laptop and pulls up this fucking picture. I almost plotzed! (My grandmamma used to say that, I have no idea what it means, but it sounds super suprised!) Anyway, I was like, "W.T.F.???" And then Knute started telling me all these stories and I was like, "!!!" As you will recall, that means I am super-speechless. So anyway, there we were - totally sitting outside - and I started getting scared. So Gus tells this story about how he and a buddy were out hunting and they came around a bend by a river and one of those things was standing there. I was like, "No way!" And Gus was all, "Yes ma'am." It totally cracks me up when he calls me "ma'am" - I mean, I'm like not old enough to be a ma'am. That's like my mom or maybe Lupe was a ma'am before she died. I guess she's still a ma'am, I mean, it's not like it would change just because you're dead, right? Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yea, Gus and the Big Foot. So anyway, Gus is telling his story and I was sort of thinking about Lupe and then I guess I was trying to be all imaginative and whatever so I was trying to picture the Big Foot and then I don't know what happened, but I totally was in the house. I got scared, you guys! I think it was the absinthe or maybe that weed. Anyway, I totally became convinced that Big Foot was outside The Compound and I was all about to call 911 and Knute was like, "WTF are you doing?" I mean, he was outside talking through the sliding glass door because when I ran in, I locked the door behind me, so Knute and Gus were both standing on the verandah going, "Open the damn door!" I was like, "I am about to call the cops!" And Knute goes, "Absinthe and weed are not part of you plea bargain." Which is totally true, so I let them in and then I was like locking the doors and I turning on all the flood lights outside. Why do they call them "floodlights?" I'm thinking in a flood, lights are like the last thing you'd be worried about. Shouldn't they call them like, "Really big lights" or something? Plus, I'm pretty sure in a flood the electricity doesn't work, so you couldn't use them anyway, right?

So the whole Big Foot thing scares me still and I am mostly sober right now. I put a Bigfoot video on my myspace page because I'm thinking everyone needs to know about this crap. Go look at it!