Rumors

OMG. Nothing has happened since I last wrote. Me, Lindsay and Knute are STILL in LA and I am about to die from boredom. LA is so last year. Or even 2004. I am over it. Me and Lindsay weren't even speaking until yesterday because of the Jared Leto thing. She kept bringing it up and I was all, "Whatev. He's like huge." So she goes, "All the parts work." And I'm like, "I know. Ever heard of sloppy seconds?" So she was all, "He doesn't even remember you." And I'm like, "I have the tape to prove it." Night vision is awesome. So she's like, "Whatev." And I'm like, "You totally stole that from me. Can't you get your own life?" So she started crying and left and I sort of felt bad. It's hard living in a hotel suite.
So yesterday, me and Knute were shopping and while we were at Fred Segal, I totally ran into Mary-Kate and she was all, "I heard you lost someone." And I was like, "Yeah, and?" And she goes, "What if I know where she is?" and I was like, "Guess you better call the cops because they are looking for her." And she was all, "As if!" So I go,"Might be a reward, not that you need it." And she goes, "More money for me." And I'm like, "If you're parents don't get all Gary Coleman on your ass." And she was like, "I practically don't even HAVE parents." And I'm like, "Lucky!" So anyway. Like she said that she'd heard that Maddy was totally with some group who brainwashes people and I was like, "She has excellent hygeine, ok? Her clothes suck, but she is clean." And MK was all, "Like not even! Brainwashing is like mad bad." And I'm like whatev, cleaning always sounds good to me! You can totally ask Katrinka, I am so particular about my cleaning. Or her cleaning. Like one time, she'd been up on the ladder outside washing the windows and she thought she was done and I was like Not even! There was this giant thumbprint on the outside of my guest bathroom window. So back up the ladder she goes, because I am all about cleanliness. And she was whining about being afraid of heights. I'm like, "You can go back to Immigrantakstan or whereever if you are going to complain. One call to INS is all it would take." So anyway, I called that cute cop guy and he totally goes, "We had a tip about that." And I'm like, "HELLO!? Can I get in the loop, please?" What a loser. He's all, "we're looking into it." So I'm like, "Why don't you try looking into your address book on your cell phone and calling me? She's my life coach." He totally had nothing to say to that.
Ok, so I totally texted Lindsay and I was feeling bad that I was totally not into her doing Jared Leto, so I was like, "4give?" so she goes, "no prob." So now that we know Maddy is ok, or probably ok and only getting her brain cleaned, me and Lindsay and Knute are headed up to Napa - or down to Napa or whatev. I totally don't even know where it is. I guess there's wine up there or down there or something. People keep telling me I need to go - so since I'm totally dying to get out of this town, I am there. I'm thinking it's going to be a total party. Like I hope there is some major nightlife up there. Or down there. Whatev. I am ready to dance and be crazy.