Wait, what? Part 2

Holy crap, that ugly girl is back on the TV. I think that might be all that's on. Ever. I don't know why that ugly girl is wearing a scarf on her head all the time. I haven't seen that on the runways or in any of the trend reports, so I'm definitely not going to bother buying any scarfs. Plus that girl is totes wearing a girdle and there is no way I'm wearing a girdle. I mean, it's not like I need one, I don't think.

I just checked with Knute and he says I definitely don't need a girdle. So that's good news. He said that ugly girl is a guy but I know he's just making that up to confuse me. There is no way a guy would go on the TV wearing that much make-up. Unless he was a girl. So I think he's definitely a girl. And a lesbertarian girl too.

Some of my fans have been sending me messages wondering about Mr. Cat. He's fine. Right now he's sitting in a box that Prada sent me some shoes in. I don't know why he likes to sit in boxes so much but he's totes into that. Last night I think he slept in the box. Maybe I need to try sitting in a box because Mr. Cat seems real peaceful all the time. Mostly he sleeps and that is super-peaceful.

I just went and told Knute I wanted a box to sit in. He was organizing all our receipts to give my tax person and he just looked at me like I was crazy or something. I'm like, "I want to be peaceful like Mr. Cat." So Knute goes, "What are you talking about?" I was all, "He just sits in that Prada box and it's like awesome. I need to sit in a Prada box." So Knute just sat there for a minute, it got kind of awkward with him just staring at me and me going like, "What?" He just shook his head at me and goes, "I don't even know what to say." So then I was like all reminding him about my total quest for inner peace. Or inner piece. I'm not really sure. I was like, "Remember my life coach?" And Knute goes, "Which one?" So I go, "Remember my fung shway dude?" and Knute goes, "That was a disaster." "Well, yea, but I was like into it until he totally rearranged my whole house!!!" Anyway, we totes ended up fighting and that was not helping my inner piece. So I just went back to the master suite and sat on the floor with Mr. Cat and tried to be cool.

My life is seriously hard you guys!

Wait, what?

Oh. My. God.

So last year, I accidentally was watching TV and I found a show about this super ugly girl who was living in a house with a bunch of whores and strippers and it was totes confusing because I guess they were all lesbertarians because they were always making out and getting drunk and fighting. It made me feel icky. Well, I was accidentally watching TV tonight and that ugly girl is back with a whole different bunch of whores who are wearing swimsuits are bras or something and nothing else. These whores are more drunker and more stupider than the other ones. I think it's new whores, but it could all be the same ones, maybe it's just reruns. TV is super-confusing sometimes. That girl, Bret, wouldn't be quite so ugly if she didn't wear so much make-up. I am all about being natural.

I've pretty much decided to get another nosejob. I mean, I'm so bored I got to do something. Knute tells me to just wait because Washington with Rhett is coming up quick and soon I won't be so bored, but I'm just not sure. He says I gotta wait until after the trip because they won't let me fly with a nosejob, which is crazy because everytime I fly I fly with a nosejob!!! Actually TWO! Sometime I think Knute just makes stuff up to confuse me.

Could My Life Be More Boring?

So I was just rereading my last post and like I was all, 'What?" I hardly remember any of that! Me and Scar aren't fighting anymore, we went shoe shopping on Saturday, so of course we're ok.

My deposition went fine since I couldn't even remember anything! I was all, "I dunno!" to almost every question! That's so hilarious.

My new stalker is totally boring.

My friend Jenn got a herself a friend she's calling Waff which totally enrages me because I had a Waff way before she did and I don't know why everyone has to try to be exactly like me! It's so boring! Meanwhile my "friend" Waff is texting me and calling me "old" and "poopypants" and some crazy stuff like that. I have no idea what the hell is going on with him. Maybe he's gone crazy. Or he's smoking something. Or both.

My friend TS (notice how I didn't put "friend" in "quotation marks" like I did with "Waff") as totally disappeared. Like that movie where the guy gets sucked up by a alien ship! Maybe that was a Simpsons episode, I don't remember. Anyway, if you see TS, tell him I said to drop a celebritard a line, kay?

What else?

Rhett's got a birthday coming up. Something fabulous, I'm sure, I'll let you know.

Other than that my life is totally boring! Totes.

Am I Done Blowing Your Mind? Not Even!

So me and Rhett are going to Washington DC in April. Don't ask me why. I mean, I was looking on the interweb and it looks totes boring. But he's going to be there with that little show he does and I am all about being supportive or whatev and plus I have some fabulous new Jimmy Choos I want to wear and since Austin is such a hippy town, I hardly ever get the chance to dress like a real person. What was I talking about? Oh yea, Washington. Rhett was like, What are we gonna do there? And I was all, "Drink and be fabulous. I bet they have shopping and crap like that there." Mostly it looks like a bunch of super-boring things like museums and graves and crap like that. Knute says I should get some culture, and I am all about culture so what the hell? But I am not going to go to any museums or crap like that, that's not how you get culture! I have a black friend and she was telling me about going to eat something called "sole food" I was like, "Sure!" Then she was like, "I wouldn't send you there because it's in the getto." Well, I don't know what a getto is but as you all know, I am all about food. So I made her tell me where it is and me and Rhett are going to go. I also need to look for a place to get good cupcakes because me and Rhett always have a hilarious time eating cupcakes in various metropolitan areas.

So I'm back in Austin, I guess I said that. It's so boring this time of year because it will be like 80F one day and then zero the next! It was like 92 yesterday and tonight it's raining and totes cold. Like how am I supposed to commit to a wardrobe? I should have stayed in Bellgym.

I guess me and Scar are fighting too. I didn't even know it until today when she texted me. I wish people would just tell me so I can at least participate, for reals! I've got to do my dumb deposition later this week - so boring!

AND I have a new stalker. That is way boring, he's obsessed with me. SIGH.

Mind Blowing Awesomeness

It's true. That's what I am. Or have or whatever. Mind Blowing Awesomeness. I was just solving all of Rhett's problems just now via the chat thingy on here and I was like telling him to get all Zing and whatever and then he wasn't answering me for awhile and I was like "Did I blow your mind?" and he goes, "you always do" and that's when the phrase Mind Blowing Awesomeness came to me. Because I am all about inspiration or whatever. That's why I write this bloggy thing because of my MBA (Mind Blowing Awesomeness). I should rename my bloggy thing. But since I had to get copy rights on it, I guess I can't.

So all of the out-of-town dirty hippies have left Austin, so I'm headed back home. Plus I'm supposed to do that deposition or whatever, so I guess I have to get back. So boring. I was sort of hoping if I just went to Bellgym and pretended it was ok, it would just go away, but it didn't. Usually, I find if I just ignore stuff, it goes away. But I guess that doesn't work for lawsuits.

Does anyone know what my friend TS means about Bellgym sprouts? Sometimes I get furious when people say stuff to me and I don't understand it. Like then I just start thinking about it and when I can't figure it out I just get totally livid. Like I hate that. So thinking is not my thing, mostly. But that makes no sense, since I am so super-smart. I guess my thing is this: I am super-smart but don't want to have to think about stuff. It's part of my MBA. Totes.

Bellgym is boring

This is my bedroom in the castle. I don't know what all this crap is that Knute has on that little table, but I'm hardly ever in the bedroom because there's no TV in there.

Can you believe there's no media room? Plus there's this stupid Hysterical Committee and they say I can't put a satellite dish on the roof or anywhere on the castle. Can you believe that?

It's SXSW in Austin, so thank gawd I'm not there right now. The whole town will be crawling with dirty hippies. Pretty soon I'm going to have to go home and do my deposition and deal with all that crap. Daddy's lawyers found me here and they are MAD. I can't believe it took them 3 days to find me, they must not be very good lawyers. I mean, it's not like Daddy didn't buy the castle, they have to know about it. How many places can I hide, for reals? Daddy bought all my houses. Don't they keep records?

Bellgym is boring and I can't find waffles anywhere. At least Knute is here so I'm not entirely bored.

My Castle Makes Me Feel Better

So I went to Luxembourg to see Mims and Thad and then I was totally going to go back to Austin but then Knute reminded me that South by Southwest was starting and everyone knows how I hate all those dirty hippies that come pouring out of everywhere so I just headed over to Bellgym to see my castle again. It is super cute! Right now it's still cold here, so it's kind of boring - and cold. Knute's coming over tomorrow to help me hang out. He said on the phone that waffles come from Bellgym and I didn't even know that when Daddy bought it! It's like karma or whatever. So me and Knute will go look for waffles while he's here and I'm hoping that my deposition will just go away. I mean, I don't want to do that.

I totally forgot about this, it happened before I went to see Mims: I went to get my hair cut by that bitch Erica and she was like, 'You need to get laid." I was all, "!" Who says that? Especially when I haven't even paid her yet! So I was like praciticing some restraint, which I almost never do, so she goes, "Your bloggy thing was funner when you were a whore." I totally didn't know what to say to that. I mean, I've been working on my vow of charity for like ever. And it is totally boring, so I might just stop it anyway. I mean, where's it getting me? Plus that tramp Paris totally didn't even keep her end of it anyway, so why should I bother? All I've gotten out of it is a lot of boring weekends and fewer medical bills. And I castle. I'm pretty sure Daddy bought me the castle because I was being good, but now I have the castle so I can start messing around again.