Weekends are hard, you guys!

So, ok, thank goodness Rhett was out of town this weekend because with the whole Monte-holding-Knute-hostage-in-the-attic drama, it was crazy. Plus the whole Monte on the lamb thing. I totally don't understand being "on the lamb." I mean, I've seen lambs and they are like clumsy. And not like super-fast, so if you are hiding out and on the run, why would you get on a lamb? I mean, they are little too. How could a lamb hold a person? I guess it's a figment of speech or whatever. Anyway, Monte is on the lamb (seriously, I would rather be on a squirrel, those fuckers are FAST) and calling me and talking about his gun and how he wants to come visit me. I was like, "I don't think that sounds like much fun at all." So now the cops have a tap on my phone and I can't hardly have any fun anymore.

Anyway, I was exhausted on Friday from all the interrogations and whatever so I just went to bed early. Then Saturday Mother and Daddy surprised me and boy was I surprised! I was like sitting in the kitchen comparing notes with Gus about what the cops asked us and there's a buzz at the gate, so me and Gus just stared at each other and finally he goes, "You gonna get that?" I was like, "Oh!" So I went over to the security room and looked and saw Dan, Daddy's security guy, staring into the camera - it seriously freaked me out! So I was like, "!" and I buzzed them in and I guess Daddy or someone read about it and they came to make sure it stayed out of the papers. Anyway, I haven't seen them together in like forever, so it was kind of fun I guess. We had lunch and then they left, so I guess all this stuff is going ok. Here's the thing though, I was pretty sure Daddy should have been mad for me and Mims taking his plane a couple of weekends ago to go to New York - where by the way, I have a bunch of new people stalking me - so boring!!! Anyway the whole weekend reminded me of that time Liza Minella tried to kill me. What a story! It was just like that scene from Showgirls where that crack girl with the hair pushes that girl with the lips down the stairs. Except Liza Minelli doesn't do crack anymore and I am way cuter than that chick with the lips - she's like OLD. Liza too. Whatever it was tramatic. Almost getting killed is hard, you guys! Also having a maniac kidnap your personal assistant and hold him prisoner in your attic is super-hard! I am like tired. Anyway what was I talking about? Well, on Sunday my friend suggested some waffles to help get my mind off all the cops and stuff, so he suggested this cute place called Katz's. It was cute, but they didn't have waffles, so I was livid. It ruined my whole weekend, until I went to Mims and Thad's house for dinner, but it was super boring so I left. Knute is still in the hospital - I think his brain is broken or something. That's the real reason Daddy came, I think. He ended up paying all of Knute's bills and I guess he's going to do that so Knute won't sue, but Daddy doesn't know that Knute would never sue. I have too much crap on that boy. He wouldn't dare! I wanted to go see him today, but the nurses wouldn't let me. WHATEVER! I do what I want.

Tomorrow Erica is going to cut all my hair off so I'm sure it'll be all in the papers by Wednesday. I figure if I get my hair all cut off, the nurses won't recognize me, so I can slip in and see Knute. I heard he's in a straight jacket or something which I can't really picture because Knute is sort of pear-shaped so he really ought to stick with A-lines.

The other thing about lambs is that they are delicious. With mint jelly.