WHAT A WEEKEND, PEOPLE

Ok, turns out a food bank is where poor people go to get charity. Not like a place for canned goods. Knute had to explain to me. Gus isn't mad anymore

Here's the thing, though, people. My friend Waff, he's super nice and whatever and he told me he was moving this weekend, which is awesome. USUALLY. I love to watch those big strapping guys come load up all your stuff in that giant truck and then they drive away and by the time you are done with vacation in Nice, your house is all unpacked. Love that.

Yea, well, that's not how Waff moved. First of all, I had never been to his old place, so I saw that first and it was like horrifying. I mean he had a gate and all, but once you got inside the gate, it was something called "apartments." Like whatever! We have a flat in London that is kind of like an apartment, but it's 4 stories! This was like 5 rooms. I kept walking around going, "Oh.My.God. Where's the bar? Where's the media room? Where's the library?" I was freaking out!!! Waff was like, "Shut up and help me carry this sofa to my truck." I was all, "What? I don't think so. I just had my nails done." I have no idea what he was thinking inviting me into a place like that. So anyway, I was thinking maybe his new place would be awesome, like on the lake or at least a golf course. No. It's in a neighborhood. There's no gate, no security guards, no nothing. He wanted me to go to someplace called Bed Bath and BeYawned, but I was scared to leave the Maz on the street! Hellow, I'm pretty sure those people were middle class. Daddy says you cannot trust the middle class. I'm not really sure who is middle class but I am terrified of them. So anyway, we went to that bed place because Waff wanted a shower curtain, I was all, "Isn't your shower glass-enclosed?" He was like, "No." I was like, "!" That means I'm speechless as I'm sure you remember.

Anyway, that store was just terrible. It was tiny, there were no personal shoppers and you had a push a cart around. It was almost like the grocery store, only worse. Then he wanted to go to The Target, which was crazy! It has groceries AND shower curtains. I was losing my mind. Finally I was like, "Waff, I gotta go, this is too bourgeois for me!" And I don't even know what that means!!!

Anyway, he suggested a burger and a beer, so that was fine, but now I'm thinking I'm going to have to rethink my whole friendship with him, I mean, if he's middle class and the middle class is the enemy, then I'm pretty sure Waff is my enemy. HOLY CRAP.

This is all very confusing. My head is spinning. I couldn't wait to get back to The Compound. Now I'm sitting in the Master Suite with Mr. Cat and I'm seriously freaking out, people.